Wind in Our Sails

Have you ever been gut punched?  Like, can’t-breathe-gasping-for-air, kind of gut punch? I sure have – come on, I grew up with 2 brothers. I hate that feeling of gasping for air. It reminds me of being under water and I can’t get my head up out of the water fast enough to take that breath I so desperately need. (Side note: Drowning is literally one of my worst fears.)

I felt the air go right out of me today. The word “NO” has never hit me so hard. I felt like I poured my heart and soul into the process. I felt like we answered EVERY possible question, and I know we left them with a lot to think about. But in the end, we clearly weren’t chosen for a reason.

Easter! They all changed & refused to put back on their nice clothes!

I sat back and looked over all the information I submitted and kept asking myself: where did I go wrong? What did I not explain well enough? And then it hit me – we weren’t ready for this. Now is not the time. God is still growing us, helping us to navigate this ship, and that process takes time. We weren’t ready for an exciting funding opportunity, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be ready soon.

I realize that funding a project like this is expensive. And I know not everyone gets the vision. I also know that orphan prevention and long-term solutions aren’t “sexy” in the nonprofit world right now. Even in the nonprofit sector, there are trends that we look at as a world & we prioritize based on what seems to be the biggest crisis.

Maybe it’s just me, but 160+ million children in this world without a caregiver is a pretty big deal. And out of a population of 27 million in Mozambique, we have nearly 2 million children who don’t have parents. That’s like the population of Houston! I can barely wrap my mind around that figure.

Easter with some of the neighborhood boys

Despite hearing that word NO today, I’m so incredibly thankful for many things. God used ordinary, caring, generous people to build this home. And God will continue to lead us, guide us, stretch us and grow us until we are ready for the next phase.

As we continue on, we have 5 children who need us daily. Four out of the five look nothing like me, but they are part of me & they always will be. I pray for them, worry about them, cook for them, scold them, teach them, cheer for them, play with them, and love them. I have big hopes & dreams for Ali, for Lina, for Fatima, for Jadon, and for Marieta.

This journey has been like sailing a boat. Sometimes things come along that knock the wind out of our sails, so we’re forced to sit & wait a while. We pray & hope the wind will return, and sometimes it doesn’t. So we wait a little while longer. And then like clockwork, the wind returns.

There are times when the boat sails smoothly, and there are times when storms are relentless and destructive. But the days that are sunny and breezy – those are the best days. And while these days don’t come as often as we thought they would, we cherish each one so much that when the beautiful day ends, we look forward to the storms so we can see the sunny, breezy days return.