You're Not Sexy...

 “You’re not 'sexy' enough.”

I squinted at the screen without my trusty spectacles, and looked at the message again. What does that even mean?!

I was having a conversation with my confidant, my right wing man, and she said, “No one is interested in an organization that doesn’t have heart-wrenching-babies-dying-emergency-we-need-you-now-or-a-child-will-die kind of emails and blogs. Let’s face it: You’re not 'sexy' enough.”

Wow. That hurt my heart. I didn’t know that the urgency of someone’s need or their personal pain was a requirement for us to actually CARE.

This comment has deeply disturbed me for the last few weeks. WHY do we care? WHY did we move here and start this organization? WHY do we only have 5 kids (7 with our own 2)? WHY aren’t we caring for more? WHY aren’t we doing more? WHY?!

At this point, I’m doubting every decision we’ve made over the last 3 years. Every single step that brought us closer and closer to coming back to start this dream. The funny thing is the “getting here” was rather traumatic.

The accident that helped convince us to GO

There was a car accident that finally convinced Phil that we’re all supposed to be here, and many job changes & losses that spurred us to rent out our house & get on with this dream. Sometimes it takes scary stuff to happen so the final leap is taken, which was very true in our case.

So, was all that leading up to this moment for nothing? Are we REALLY fulfilling our mission?

I still battle this every single day. My heart says “yes” while my logical brain says “well, to outsiders, probably NO.”

From the outside looking in, I’m sure there are some folks wondering what the heck is going on! I can see it now:

            “You built that big house – now fill it up with kids already!!”

“You guys are just living some awesome, safari-lifestyle on your donor’s dime! Get to work already!”

When we explain that our mission was to NEVER swoop in and “save” all the kids in our area, that was exactly what we meant. Working WITH communities, talking about the issues that lead to children becoming orphans, strengthening community responses to these situations and figuring out a way to KEEP kids in their communities may not be “sexy” work. It may seem confusing and difficult to fathom for some, and I’m sure others are confused as to why we don’t just grab every kid we can and move on.

Let's Break it Down

We believe in empowering communities, not doing the work for them. In order facilitate change, we have to be helpers and not necessarily "doers."

We do this through 3 different avenues:

1) Education & collaboration

2) 'Foster care' support

3) Full time care

Education & Collaboration

We drive 3-4 hours twice a month to spend time in the Mogavola district where we work. We visit these communities with a trusted community leader, where we facilitate outreach in many different ways.

One of the major reasons we see children become orphans is due to illnesses by immediate family members. Basic sanitation – washing hands, boiling water, bathroom use, proper waste disposal, etc. – is something many people still don’t realize can make or break their future.

Much of our time is spent doing both education and collaboration. We talk about these sanitation issues, and we talk about education. Many of our contacts in the districts can’t read or write, so education is something we emphasize and support.

Who wouldn't want these awesome kids in their life?!

We provide small bags & books & pencils for kids who are attending school, and we often try to reward those who pass at the end of the year with a nice pen or a new notebook. It may seem like a small token, but to many of the youth, they feel encouraged to continue.

We spend time listening to the leaders in the community talk about their needs, challenges and resources. They give us a ton of insight into how BEST to help – and not create more dependency and more of that “white savior” idea within their community. This happens all too often and we’d rather do more good than more harm!

‘Foster Care’ Support

Foster care is a rather new idea in Mozambique but only as a formality. Many families already care for children that are not theirs, and they receive no support to do so. Most do it out of necessity and kindness – who else will care for the child?

Families who are already caring for a child who has been orphaned are doing exactly what we hope to see all communities do. They have taken personal responsibility for this child, but it’s not always easy.

We come alongside the family and brainstorm ways we can help, without directly giving cash. Some of the ways we have helped families we currently work with are by sending clothing for a few of the kids in the family, providing books, pencils & pens for school, and helping to pay for the child’s ID so he/she can go to school.

This is really the MOST effective, sustainable and sensible way to truly help. We can empower families and communities, assist in the areas where they are struggling, but we are also not assuming responsibility and taking over where the family can actually manage.

Full Time Care

We currently have 5 kiddos who fit this category and that is why Ali, Lina, Fatima, Marieta, & Milenea live here at our center in Nampula. These kiddos lived with individuals in the community – some relatives some not.

The caregivers couldn’t manage to feed our kids anymore. They weren’t going to school & the day-to-day care was too overwhelming and the children suffered because of it. We’ve searched for a family member who has the ability to take over care of our kids, but we’re still searching. As you can see, this form of care is difficult because it leaves the child in limbo.

We can’t adopt every child we take into full time care, and we can’t hand a child over to a family member or friend who isn’t even able to care for themselves. While I’m always so thankful our kids are safe and loved and thriving, I’m also pained that they don’t have a more permanent fix. But as we grow and learn and Mozambique grows, foster care & local adoption will become a more accepted solution.

Think about it this way - A child doesn’t choose to be an orphan, simply put. A child doesn’t CHOOSE to be taken out of the only place they’ve ever known, plopped into a house in the city with all kinds of amenities many of our kids have never even seen (namely, running water & steady electricity) and forced to adjust to living with foreigners they don’t know from Adam.

Sounds a little crazy, right? It doesn’t make sense for a child to walk through that kind of trauma, UNLESS there is NO OTHER OPTION. PERIOD. For that child, it is traumatic and there’s no taking that trauma back.

The REAL deal 

While we might not be “sexy,” we’re real. We’re doing our best to assist rather than enable. If we simply pick up every child we’re told is an “orphan,” our communities wouldn’t grow and learn and CHANGE.

We need our communities to change so there are fewer and fewer of these situations where children have to come here and receive full time care. Children are at their best in their families, in their communities. This transcends culture in every way and is true in almost every context. Children are at their best in their environment.

This doesn’t in ANY way mean that kids can’t adjust well, grow and thrive in our care. They typically DO. Our current kiddos are thriving and growing and learning. It’s quite incredible to see them change each day as they grow & learn more and more.

We will continue to work hard to see kids stay in their communities. When this isn’t a possibility, we will happily care for them in the best way possible, feeling privileged to be part of their story.

We might not be bringing sexy back anytime soon, but I think our work is pretty cool – it’s special because it’s different. We know the importance of a community taking care of its own kids. We know that some day we will be worked out of a job, and we can’t wait to see that happen.

Thanks for listening,

Laura

P.S. You guys clearly aren’t much for giveaways. Maybe we’ll try again soon…