Small miracles come each day. I see God provide for my family's needs when we thought, "how in the world are we going to get by now?!" But when Phil was laid off a month ago, I knew we would be fine. I knew we wouldn't have to worry because God's got it, and all we have to do is trust Him. I know there have been many times in my own life where this was much easier said than done. However, this time felt so much different. I felt peace surrounding the lay off and we both knew God would take this situation and turn it into something great because that's what He does!
Phil left at 4am about 10 days ago to head down to a short term job in New Mexico. While it is never ideal for us to be separated by distance like this, we make it work because we know there is an end in sight. We are committed to each other and we know this is just a season; it isn't a permanent arrangement and God is providing for us in the midst of it all.
I also just have to take second to really brag on my husband. While sometimes I have to BEG him to sit still, I love that he has such a giving heart. When I tell him I know someone who needs something, or I know there will be a shortage for something for a client at work, he tells me to take care of people and make helping others a priority. We both have to make a huge effort to keep from over extending ourselves and burning ourselves out to the point we don't have any time or energy left for each other, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
There is something else that I REALLY love about my husband. If you have ever met my husband, he wants to know you - he wants a relationship with you, and not just the "American" friendships of waving from your front porch but not even knowing your neighbor's names. He really has a heart for community and for real, genuine friendships for life, not just for a short time. And many people have hurt him or walked all over him & taken advantage, but he is very forgiving even when I want to be bitter or stay in my un-forgiveness. He is quick to trust, slow to judge and loves people - plain & simple.
My husband is also an amazing man of God. He reminds me often of how far we have come & how far God has carried us, where we have been and where we are going. He never once doubts my relationship with God or doubts anything I tell him that God is speaking over our family. He also rarely discourages me from anything. He always encourages and supports whatever I want to do, even if it means putting his own personal goals on hold. I'm not saying he's a push over, but I am saying he makes sacrifices for what is best for our family as a whole. He really has a vision that is aligned with God, and the future God has in store for us. We know moving to Mozambique will require a lot of sacrifice, but if we don't go, we both agree we won't be fulfilled here.
Yes, we know God can use us wherever we are - even in our own backyards. It shouldn't take us moving to another country to be generous, compassionate, loving, selfless and down right kind. People should see how we behave on a daily basis and know there is something different about those crazy Jesus people!!
So, in everything you do, make people wonder what kind of cool-aide you're drinking. Give that waitress a fat tip and tell her about Jesus. Give that homeless guy a meal or give him a place to shower or sleep for the night, and tell him about Jesus. Give someone extra quarters at the laundry mat and tell them about Jesus. Buy someone's coffee next time you're out and tell them about Jesus. Whatever you choose to do, do it in a way that it brings a smile to God's face, knowing that you have cared for people who are no different you or I - we are imperfect, sinful, hateful & selfish people. Yep - I'll admit it right away. I'm so imperfect it's not even funny. I like to swear and I have no idea why. It just makes me feel better sometimes and it drives my husband crazy!! But I know I have to find better & different ways to let out anger & frustration than dropping an F-bomb or even saying something unkind or gossiping about someone. None of these things show love and I'm sure if someone heard me say what I want to say most of the time, they would not readily assume I love Jesus.
There you go - ramblings from a mom's heart, a wife's heart and a Jesus lover.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Listen up
I had the most incredibly busy week I've had in a VERY long time. I have been so busy with work, and I feel like it is taking over my life on some levels. Along with that, I've also started using & selling Rodan + Fields skincare products. ALL of my profit from R+F will go towards the orphanage and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do this right now. On top of that, my husband is traveling for a temporary job opportunity so I'll be a single parent for a couple of weeks. (By the way - I have SOOO much respect for single parents - it is HARD!) Oh, and we're preparing for an upcoming move to a 3rd world country - but no big deal.
I hate that our lifestyles are so busy that we have to have something drastic take place before we slow down. I miss the days when we didn't have lightening fast internet or text messaging or email. I miss the days when we would stand in our front yard talking to the neighbors for an hour. Those days now seem to be very few and far between.
In the midst of the business, I feel like it is impossible not to get lost in the chaos. It seems as though more and more gets added to my plate each day, and while I'm good with that because I think I am super woman & I can do it all, something always suffers. Whether it's time with my son, time with my husband or time for myself, I have learned in the last few years as a social worker that something will get put aside. Lately, it seems to be time for myself that gets tossed out the window, or time with God. I can always tell when I haven't spent enough time with Jesus because my heart & my head start to malfunction and then everything seems to fall apart. I start losing patience with difficult clients or I get frustrated easily by my husband or my son, or I just feel short & snippy with those around me that I love the most. More than anything, I feel disconnected from GOD when I don't spend time in prayer and when I'm disconnected I feel more isolated and alone and I tend to worry more.
As I was driving to meet with a student for work on Tuesday, I was really focused on getting to my next destination quickly so I could move on to the next task. I felt God telling me to pull over help a girl I saw on the side of the road, holding a cardboard sign. I didn't even read the sign at first, and then I glanced over. It said "out of gas - anything helps." I just turned away and started wondering how long the light had been red because it was taking way too long and I am in a hurry! I continued to drive as I battled with my heart:
Heart: "Stop & help that girl. She can't be much older than you & maybe she is going through a really horrible time. Be the hands & feet you have been called to be!"
Me: "I'm trying to save kids, thanks. I'm in a hurry, and I need to get things done today! I don't have time for that."
Heart: "You can help right now, in some way and it won't take long. Just turn around."
Me: "No."
Heart: "TURN AROUND."
Me: "No, I don't have time.:
Heart: "You want to move to Africa to help people? Why don't you help her first?!"
Me: "OK!"
So I turned around, after fighting with my heart for a good 4 blocks. Long story short - her name is Sarah and she was traveling to AZ. She didn't calculate enough money for her gas and she ended up only having enough money for a little bit of food and that was all. She said she had a job lined up and a friend was giving her a room to stay in once she made it to AZ. We talked for a few minutes while we pumped her gas, and had a few laughs. She asked if she could give me hug and I asked if I could pray with her. We prayed, hugged and she went on her way.
As I was getting back in the car, I thought: "Ok, God, I did what you asked." I started back towards my next task and checked my email. There was a notice from Jadon's preschool and I immediately thought about how much we probably owe for his school and how we were going to pay for it was making my heart race. I opened the attached statement and discovered his amazing school director had canceled any charges for the days Jadon hasn't been at school since Phil was laid off (we're supposed to pay a fee even if he doesn't attend). The fees that were taken off our bill were several hundred dollars. I was speechless.
Tuesday will remain in my mind the day that I learned a very valuable lesson from God. If God asks you to help someone, do it, because even if you aren't sure how you'll pay the rest of your bills for the month, He will provide. I did it stubbornly, but I did what God asked that day. He showed me that even when we have doubts and feel overwhelmed by the daily struggles we encounter, God will always meet us where we are and meet our needs. But we have to listen.
I hate that our lifestyles are so busy that we have to have something drastic take place before we slow down. I miss the days when we didn't have lightening fast internet or text messaging or email. I miss the days when we would stand in our front yard talking to the neighbors for an hour. Those days now seem to be very few and far between.
In the midst of the business, I feel like it is impossible not to get lost in the chaos. It seems as though more and more gets added to my plate each day, and while I'm good with that because I think I am super woman & I can do it all, something always suffers. Whether it's time with my son, time with my husband or time for myself, I have learned in the last few years as a social worker that something will get put aside. Lately, it seems to be time for myself that gets tossed out the window, or time with God. I can always tell when I haven't spent enough time with Jesus because my heart & my head start to malfunction and then everything seems to fall apart. I start losing patience with difficult clients or I get frustrated easily by my husband or my son, or I just feel short & snippy with those around me that I love the most. More than anything, I feel disconnected from GOD when I don't spend time in prayer and when I'm disconnected I feel more isolated and alone and I tend to worry more.
As I was driving to meet with a student for work on Tuesday, I was really focused on getting to my next destination quickly so I could move on to the next task. I felt God telling me to pull over help a girl I saw on the side of the road, holding a cardboard sign. I didn't even read the sign at first, and then I glanced over. It said "out of gas - anything helps." I just turned away and started wondering how long the light had been red because it was taking way too long and I am in a hurry! I continued to drive as I battled with my heart:
Heart: "Stop & help that girl. She can't be much older than you & maybe she is going through a really horrible time. Be the hands & feet you have been called to be!"
Me: "I'm trying to save kids, thanks. I'm in a hurry, and I need to get things done today! I don't have time for that."
Heart: "You can help right now, in some way and it won't take long. Just turn around."
Me: "No."
Heart: "TURN AROUND."
Me: "No, I don't have time.:
Heart: "You want to move to Africa to help people? Why don't you help her first?!"
Me: "OK!"
So I turned around, after fighting with my heart for a good 4 blocks. Long story short - her name is Sarah and she was traveling to AZ. She didn't calculate enough money for her gas and she ended up only having enough money for a little bit of food and that was all. She said she had a job lined up and a friend was giving her a room to stay in once she made it to AZ. We talked for a few minutes while we pumped her gas, and had a few laughs. She asked if she could give me hug and I asked if I could pray with her. We prayed, hugged and she went on her way.
As I was getting back in the car, I thought: "Ok, God, I did what you asked." I started back towards my next task and checked my email. There was a notice from Jadon's preschool and I immediately thought about how much we probably owe for his school and how we were going to pay for it was making my heart race. I opened the attached statement and discovered his amazing school director had canceled any charges for the days Jadon hasn't been at school since Phil was laid off (we're supposed to pay a fee even if he doesn't attend). The fees that were taken off our bill were several hundred dollars. I was speechless.
Tuesday will remain in my mind the day that I learned a very valuable lesson from God. If God asks you to help someone, do it, because even if you aren't sure how you'll pay the rest of your bills for the month, He will provide. I did it stubbornly, but I did what God asked that day. He showed me that even when we have doubts and feel overwhelmed by the daily struggles we encounter, God will always meet us where we are and meet our needs. But we have to listen.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
HOW?!
Since making the decision to follow our calling without having all of the answers or even so much know how we're going to get to Mozambique, I started feeling overwhelmed. I think this is a perfectly normal response whenever a big decision is made in anyone's life, but I felt so overwhelmed my chest started to tighten up, and suddenly I felt as though I couldn't breath. I really had to stop and take a really focused, deep breath before I could I manage to calm myself down. I couldn't comprehend what it was that we had actually decided to do. I felt as though we have been called, so now we just go. Seemed simple enough at the time, right?
Uh, no. Totally wrong. I still don't think I have completely comprehended what is about to happen. "Stepping out in faith" feels like something that is said by those who have done something like this before - something so life changing you wouldn't be able to understand until you have walked where their feet have been. I want to feel like I have done this before, like I have completely stepped out in faith without holding back.
I spent some time reflecting on times in my life, or in the life of my small family, when we have walked out our faith or walked blindly and trusted God. I honestly feel like quitting my job and moving back to Colorado last year was a huge leap of faith. We had no idea where we were going to live, I didn't have a job, we didn't have a school lined up for Jadon, and we had no idea what we were going to do with all of our stuff if we couldn't find a place to live quickly. But I put in about a months notice at work, my brother & sister-in-law opened their home to us, and I began putting my resume out into Northern Colorado. It was a scary & big step, but God saw us through it all. And, after a short 2 months, we were home owners in a small, safe and beautiful community near work, the mountains and the city! It was a huge blessing to have God walk us through the home buying process.
I remember when I was about 14, I was having a lot of issues and I went to my family doctor. I was told at 14 that it would be really difficult for me to have children, if at all. I didn't worry about it until about 7 years later, when I married my love and we began talking about having a baby. I was sure it would take many years of trying and testing & being poked and prodded. But we trusted God would grow our family in His time, and in His way - either through adoption or a child grown from our bodies. In a few short weeks, we found out we were expecting our little man.
I keep thinking of these major miracles God has worked in our lives. But moving away from our families, moving away from everything I know and into a complete unknown is very different. Not to mention the fact that we will miss out on a lot - weddings, funerals, bridal showers, new babies, new families, and so much more. We will miss the beautiful parts of life and the ugly disappointments of life. But I think this is the least we can do. Jesus died for us, so that we would have life - so we could be free to live and love others, and show the world how much Jesus loves us. The least I can do is give up my life to this calling - to this project & mission that is impossible on my own, but possible with God.
I don't think we'll know what is ahead for us, or be prepared to face many of the challenges we will be presented with early on. Relying on God will be the only way to get anything accomplished. I know that my education and my experience in child welfare may prepare a small part of me for what we will see, but it won't prepare us for the sacrifices we will make, the pain we will feel when one of the children we serve dies, or when we witness heart wrenching cases of abuse or neglect.
I'm not writing this to glorify what we are doing, or to complain about what we will miss by leaving a comfortable life in the U.S. I am, however, just trying to process through how this will all work out. I don't know how we will afford plane tickets, how we will afford to live in Mozambique, how we will move all of our stuff from our home to another country, 10,000 miles away. I wonder if we'll be around to help my parents when they grow old, if I'll meet my nieces and nephews, if I'll get to see my sister get married or watch my brother get married.
I don't have any of the answers. I'm not even sure how we will fulfill our financial obligations in the next few months to come due to oil & gas plummeting so Phil was laid off 2 weeks ago. BUT!! What I do know is this:
GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF THIS. GOD KNOWS - HE WILL LEAD, HE WILL PROVIDE, HE WILL DIRECT & HE WILL BLESS.
There will be frustrating times ahead, there is no doubt. There will be times of questioning, worry & stress. There will be sadness, anger, injustice and defeat. But more than anything, I look forward to the small triumphs. If there is anything I'm learning through this whole process it is this: I look forward to God growing us, and humbling us. Relying on God to meet our needs requires so much faith. But in 28 years, God has never let me or my family go without anything, even in the most difficult times.
The adventure begins now, and even if we don't have all the answers to the HOW questions, we don't have to worry about it. God said go, so we're going and trusting that he will provide. And, He will, because He always has.
Uh, no. Totally wrong. I still don't think I have completely comprehended what is about to happen. "Stepping out in faith" feels like something that is said by those who have done something like this before - something so life changing you wouldn't be able to understand until you have walked where their feet have been. I want to feel like I have done this before, like I have completely stepped out in faith without holding back.
I spent some time reflecting on times in my life, or in the life of my small family, when we have walked out our faith or walked blindly and trusted God. I honestly feel like quitting my job and moving back to Colorado last year was a huge leap of faith. We had no idea where we were going to live, I didn't have a job, we didn't have a school lined up for Jadon, and we had no idea what we were going to do with all of our stuff if we couldn't find a place to live quickly. But I put in about a months notice at work, my brother & sister-in-law opened their home to us, and I began putting my resume out into Northern Colorado. It was a scary & big step, but God saw us through it all. And, after a short 2 months, we were home owners in a small, safe and beautiful community near work, the mountains and the city! It was a huge blessing to have God walk us through the home buying process.
I remember when I was about 14, I was having a lot of issues and I went to my family doctor. I was told at 14 that it would be really difficult for me to have children, if at all. I didn't worry about it until about 7 years later, when I married my love and we began talking about having a baby. I was sure it would take many years of trying and testing & being poked and prodded. But we trusted God would grow our family in His time, and in His way - either through adoption or a child grown from our bodies. In a few short weeks, we found out we were expecting our little man.
I keep thinking of these major miracles God has worked in our lives. But moving away from our families, moving away from everything I know and into a complete unknown is very different. Not to mention the fact that we will miss out on a lot - weddings, funerals, bridal showers, new babies, new families, and so much more. We will miss the beautiful parts of life and the ugly disappointments of life. But I think this is the least we can do. Jesus died for us, so that we would have life - so we could be free to live and love others, and show the world how much Jesus loves us. The least I can do is give up my life to this calling - to this project & mission that is impossible on my own, but possible with God.
I don't think we'll know what is ahead for us, or be prepared to face many of the challenges we will be presented with early on. Relying on God will be the only way to get anything accomplished. I know that my education and my experience in child welfare may prepare a small part of me for what we will see, but it won't prepare us for the sacrifices we will make, the pain we will feel when one of the children we serve dies, or when we witness heart wrenching cases of abuse or neglect.
I'm not writing this to glorify what we are doing, or to complain about what we will miss by leaving a comfortable life in the U.S. I am, however, just trying to process through how this will all work out. I don't know how we will afford plane tickets, how we will afford to live in Mozambique, how we will move all of our stuff from our home to another country, 10,000 miles away. I wonder if we'll be around to help my parents when they grow old, if I'll meet my nieces and nephews, if I'll get to see my sister get married or watch my brother get married.
I don't have any of the answers. I'm not even sure how we will fulfill our financial obligations in the next few months to come due to oil & gas plummeting so Phil was laid off 2 weeks ago. BUT!! What I do know is this:
GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF THIS. GOD KNOWS - HE WILL LEAD, HE WILL PROVIDE, HE WILL DIRECT & HE WILL BLESS.
There will be frustrating times ahead, there is no doubt. There will be times of questioning, worry & stress. There will be sadness, anger, injustice and defeat. But more than anything, I look forward to the small triumphs. If there is anything I'm learning through this whole process it is this: I look forward to God growing us, and humbling us. Relying on God to meet our needs requires so much faith. But in 28 years, God has never let me or my family go without anything, even in the most difficult times.
The adventure begins now, and even if we don't have all the answers to the HOW questions, we don't have to worry about it. God said go, so we're going and trusting that he will provide. And, He will, because He always has.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)