I lost it today. COMPLETELY. LOST. IT.
Not in a
mom’s-gone-crazy-screaming-mad-ugly-crying-throwing-stuff kind of way, but in a
my-kids-are-growing-up-so-fast-and-I’m-afraid-I’m-gonna-miss-so-much-while-we’re-gone
kind of way.
My heart is wrecked, guys. Why is it so hard to watch our
kids grow up and become such awesome little people? And now, we’re traveling,
the first time I’ve been away for so long from these sweet little faces, and
it’s gut wrenching for me.
The ugly tears are already falling and I still have a month
to go before we leave. (Insert eye roll emoji here.)
We leave Nampula in a month to start our journey to the US
for a few months. We’ll spend Christmas with the kids here, enjoy our annual
beach trip the very beginning of the year, and then we’ll head down to the
capital city, Maputo, and head out to the US around mid-January.
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| Fatima is the girl in the very front, in a purple shirt. This is the first time I ever saw her. |
And while this will only be the 2nd time I’ve
been back to the US in 5 years, and Jadon’s first time in 5 years, and Jo’s
first time EVER, it doesn’t get any easier for me.
Of course, there are parts that are so exciting. I’ll get to
meet my niece for the first time, and all my siblings will get to meet Jo for
the first time, and spend time with her grandparents and even her
great-grandmas! (What blessed kids I have who still have their great-grannies
around!)
But I’m a mom. And these are my babies. I lost my cool this
morning because I noticed that Fatima is growing up REALLY fast and she needs
to start wearing a bra and all her clothes are getting too small.
I had a little sports bra I’d been saving for her and when I
gave it to her to try on, I could see that she understood that she IS growing
up, and she lit up with a huge, toothless grin, thanks to all her late-falling
teeth.
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| And Fatima today, almost 13... |
They’re becoming young women before my eyes and it’s hard to
accept sometimes that I’ll miss some of their important moments. They may not
be life-altering moments, but I don’t want to miss even one minor event.
And that’s the hard part about living between 2 worlds. There
is a constant push and pull between wanting to see your people and be a part of
the important and beautiful and tough stuff going on in their lives, and being
exactly where God created you to be, doing exactly what He created you to do.
So I’ll try to mop up the tears that are running down my red
cheeks, and I’ll get it together so the next 4 weeks are full of such awesome
memories for all of us that these will carry us through until we’re back home
with each other.
