Why Do They Always Keep Asking for MORE?!

Imagine each time you NEED something, you have to ask for HELP. Whether it's a ride to the airport, help picking up your kids or asking for help with...(gasp!) money, the ASKING can be so difficult. 

"Asking" is a humbling yet beautiful experience that always reminds me that God uses people to work in the lives of others, and ultimately it's his goodness & love that helps meet every need.

In the last 2+ years, he's met every need, solved every problem, dried many tears, redeemed many relationships, and encouraged us on many days we felt like throwing in the towel. He has also financially provided all we've needed up until this very moment and we are continually amazed by what He can do through others.

But sometimes ALWAYS having to ASK for help becomes exhausting & overwhelming. For us, the many things that run through our minds are things like:

"When will people become tired of helping & give up on this project?"

"Will people think we're irresponsible?"

"Ok, let's not work on XYZ project for now and wait."

"If we don't ask, can we figure it out a different a way?"

"Is this really a NEED?"

"Can we ask family to help instead of supporters?"

"Can we work while running this ministry?!"

"Maybe one of us can go back to the States and work for a while & send the money to Mozambique."

These are literally conversations we've had with each other over and over again. When we were facing many big challenges this time last year, we became tired of asking so we stopped. And then several of our supporters sent emails asking how we were doing. 

The kids love helping Amina sort beans!

In all honesty, it's sometimes hard to be HONEST. We didn't want to word vomit all of the things we were going through on all of you because part of it is just the life we've been called to. There are some things we don't feel like we need to share because it's all about our kids and our community, not us. 

When we start to focus on our own thoughts & the struggles we've been dealing with in ministry or finances or even in our personal life, it seems completely irrelevant & we don't want to lose focus. However, God taught us through that difficult time last year that if we don't open up and talk about the needs we are facing, we're not allowing others to be a part of the joy & change we see daily in our kids and community. 

This project is also so much bigger than our small little organization. The need is far greater than we could ever manage on our own, and partnerships are the only way we can keep working & keep going. We also take your partnership very seriously and we think and think and price every last item we need before we use funds for projects.

Part of doing what we do simply involves asking & depending on the goodness in those that God has placed in our lives. We're called to humble ourselves, live by faith and trust the process that so many have been through before us. We are also constantly looking for ways to help Heart for the Needy become a self-sustaining project. 

We've talked about a bakery, a water or ice business, farming, and so many other ideas. We know sustainability is important, and it has become a large focus of what we'd like to do in the coming years. We're praying about making many changes in the way ministry is done on the field, including sustainability & self-sufficiency. But all of this takes time, years to gain the momentum and get these sustainability projects off the ground. All of this can be a reality, but we need partnerships to help us get there. 

Ali LOVES to write and learn.

Starting from the ground up is never simple or quick. To do something well it must take time, along with trial and error. I'm always reminded of the proverb that says: "If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

We can't do this alone, and that's why we continue to ASK when we have needs. And, if you've ever lived in a 3rd world country, you understand that there's no way to plan for the palms that want to be greased, all of the sudden last minute added "fees" and the way we've been referred to as "leite" (milk) - like some kind of cow - by transit police. 

But no amount of corruption or dishonesty can keep us from what we were called here to do: to see a change in the families and communities where we work. Our desire is for kids to stay in their families, and for families to feel empowered and able to care for their children. Preventing more children from a destiny of institutionalization or exploitation is our main focus, while loving our communities the way God loves us. 

Our kids and our community is the best. There are so many changes in our kids since they've been here, and our community is teaching us more and more about the solutions & challenges of prevention. Families are where children belong, and if there's anything we can do to keep kids in their own family, we'll work together to make it happen. 

Thanks for letting us be vulnerable, and thank you for walking alongside us during this crazy and amazing journey. 

Parenting a Tweenager...

The challenges of parenting someone else’s child from age 12 or 13 never really crossed my mind as we began receiving children earlier this year. Yes, of course, the thought of raising a child who had already been through many things we would never know or fully understand, DID cross my mind. But the fact that a child could already be so mistreated, formed in horrible ways & conditions, didn’t always come to mind. This is now at the forefront of my daily thinking.

We’ve been having many challenges with one of our girls, Carolina. We call her Lina for short. Lina seems to think she’s already an adult. However, in her culture, this is pretty much a fact. At age 13 or 14, girls are married off and begin having babies a year or so later. The women are expected to do everything, from cooking, hauling water, caring for the children, to providing for the family, farming by hand, and looking after their elderly family members.

The fact the Lina thinks she is an adult has been a bit of a double edged sword. We’re both trying to look at the positives – she is helpful, smart, and always wants to care for her younger ones. On the other hand, she is also defiant at times, and does things we’ve asked her not to do, even after we’ve talked about it over and over again.

We’re certainly NOT frustrated with her, as we know she’s only lived with us for a few months and she needs more care & guidance than she was given for the first 12 or 13 years of her life. Rather than fighting to survive and live to see another day, she now has some security that her basic needs are being met, and I’m sure she will begin to flourish & mature the way she should. Spending more and more time with her has become our goal.

The rest of our kids sometimes follow Lina’s lead, so we’re trying to figure out how to deter the negative behaviors & encourage the good habits she has created. When Lina goes left, Fatima & Marieta are sure to follow; making sure we all set a good example for the youngest amongst us is really important. Ali is pretty independent and likes to make up his own mind. He is pretty content playing Legos with Jadon & Naro, or building his “casa” (house) as he always says, when playing with the big blocks.

Marieta, Lina, Fatima, Ali & Jadon enjoying their first popsicle of the hot season!

Despite some of the minor challenges we face, we are blessed with great kids. At times we forget that they’ve been raised their whole lives with their parents & other relatives, but we are reminded by their actions that they are still kids. There is still time to help teach them right from wrong, good from bad, and that as their parents for now, we only want what’s best for each of them.

As we continue with the kiddos we have, we are awaiting a few new arrivals, but we really have no idea when they’ll be coming to us. There are 3 children who have lost their mother & father, and their neighbor is currently caring for all of them. We are unable to reach the children due to the roads being in such poor condition. However, our long time friend, Antonio, has been out to visit the children & community to ensure they're being cared for. He as able to take some rice & beans out to the family help them take the best care of the children as they can. We're hoping to see them in the next few weeks.

So there you have it – our daily learning curve, out for the world to read. I hope it doesn’t sound like we’re discouraged, but more that I want to be real. There are days when I feel like we don’t know what we’re doing or I feel inadequate. Other days, we both feel like we’ve tackled every challenge like champs & the kids are better for it.

There are no shortages of struggles and challenges, but these are usually balanced by really wonderful days & fun memories with our kids. I’ll never forget the first smile we saw after weeks of averting our eyes, or the first belly laugh.

I’ll never forget helping Ali with his first bath, with hot water. I’ll never forget how he smiled so big when he got a new pair of shoes, and how he cried when he’d have to take them off. These are truly the moments we live for. Even if they were few and far between, we would continue on if only in anticipation of another joyful moment.

What the Future Holds

Our kids are awesome. Smart, funny, playful, loud, expressive, goofy, mature...the list could just go on and on. But I noticed something really important the other day that I didn't notice before I'd been away from them for a while - they're all growing up. Yikes.

This simple fact freaked me out a little bit. How was it possible that Jadon & Naro will be starting 3rd grade in a few weeks?! How is it possible that Ali is speaking more than ever and his Portuguese is actually understandable at this point?!

How is it that Lina is helping in the kitchen and wants to help make the dog feed every day?! How is it possible that Marieta is almost as tall as Fatima and she's growing even faster?! And Fatima - how is it possible that this girl is coming out of her shell and talking and excited about life?! It's a far cry from how we met her.

With the excitement of how much each of our kids has changed since they came to live with us (Ali has been here almost 7 months; the girls have been here almost 4), I'm often plagued by the thought of having to let them go at some point. Our goal is to match kiddos with local families so they can live in a family environment, within their own culture, and still have all the love & security that any child needs. 

Quick side note: International adoption is somewhat difficult and the waters are a bit muddy still to us, so as time progresses I'm sure we'll get to the point of being able to sort out the intricacies of the process. If you live in Mozambique as a resident, it's fairly straight forward. However, it seems that the only current way to adopt is by living in the country for at least 6 months to a year.

The very thought, though, of trying to find a home for any of them breaks my heart. I wish I could keep each one, watch them grow, encourage them, love them, provide for them. But I know this is part of the plan - help them adjust to a different life, help them move to a permanent home, and if we're able, we can keep a relationship with them. 

It would be selfish, really, to think that we can provide everything for each child, all the time. We're only 2. There will be many more who need a mom and dad, too. We can't have 20 children and expect them all to feel our love, feel valued, as they would in a smaller family environment. 

While it's hard to fathom life without any of the kids now that they are like our own, I know it's all part of the process. It WILL be hard when the time comes, but we'll have others who desperately need a place to live, parents to love them, and a foundation to grow upon. There will never be a time when we don't have kids to help & love.

For the time being, I'm soaking up all that God is doing in each child. I'm soaking up the intelligent people they are becoming. I'm enjoying their giggles and funny songs and silly games. I'm even enjoying the crying, acting out and small fights that break out from time to time. They'll only be ours for a while so we're making the most of their time here.

4 Weeks Too Long

I can't believe how fast 4 weeks went. Getting on that plane in Durango felt so right, though, just as it always does when we leave to go back to what we joke is our "bush life." Leaving my crying parents at the gate is always hard, but part of me simply knows that Mozambique is our home and that's where my life & my heart now live.

My flight to Denver was easy & quick. I had a red eye to NYC from Denver, and I was the lucky lady in the exit row, all by myself. So needless to say, I stretched out and slept like a big baby. 

I landed at La Guardia on Tuesday morning, collected all 5 of my ginormous and overweight bags, and took the shuttle to JFK. At JFK, I spent over an hour arguing over luggage fees and after some tears of frustration, a South African Airways manager saved the day and I didn't have to pay any extra baggage fees. 

I'd already paid in Durango but apparently South African wouldn't see any of that money, even though they carried my bags the longest. That manager was an angel, to say the least. I cried, she hugged me, and reminded me there are so many awful things in this world that we have to help each other. 

The coolest part of all was I meet a man and his 2 kids who were heading to Beira, a gorgeous coastal town in central Mozambique. He told me that if the manager couldn't figure it out, he would pay for my bags. I feel like God personally held my hand through that leg of the journey. I was so tired, super hungry, and I just wanted to get on my longest flight that would at least get me back on the right continent. 

After checking my bags, I waited over an hour to get through security at JFK and then of course, they had to go through all of my carry on luggage, too. It was just one of those mornings. 

I speed walked my butt over to a breakfast joint by my gate, grabbed the last bacon and egg sandwich I'd eat for a while, and savored every bite. I chugged 2 big bottles of water and went to the bathroom to freshen up. The next thing I knew, I was tucked away in an aisle seat ready for a 15 hour flight to Joberg.

I've never really enjoyed those long flights but if they save me long airport layovers and extra hours on another plane, I'll do it. I just make nice with the staff in the common areas, walk the aisles, try to sleep, and watch a few movies. 

After spending one night in South Africa, I'm was back on the final flight to Nampula. We make a quick pit stop in a little town called Tete where we are stamped into the country, shuffled bags around and then quickly got back on the plane. 

Landing in Tete always makes me a little nervous. They tend to make a little trouble regarding bringing a lot of items into the country. Most custom officials could care less that we are a children's home, helping children who aren't being cared for. Many look at my skin color and want to get their payday, too. I'll let you know how it all goes down.

The customs officers had their hands so full they had no time to bother anyone. They scanned my bags and saw I had an imac in one. I chatted with the customs chief and he asked me why I have a computer. I explained and he told me to take my bags, drop them at the door, and wait to get back on the plane. You have no idea how miraculous this was! Like I said, it's like God held my hand until I got home.

Seeing these faces made my whole YEAR!

We ran back to our plane, and took the short hour long trip to Nampula. We landed, and there he was - my night in shining armor. I've never been so happy to see my man. I cried and couldn't let him go. We grabbed my bags, and went out to the car Phil borrowed from a friend. (Our truck starter conveniently went out on Sunday.) 

We picked Jadon up from the bus stop and I felt like my whole heart would explode. When we got home about 15 minutes later, and I hugged all my other babies, I finally felt home. This is home. 

I can't explain to you how amazingly Phil held down the fort. The house was in great shape, the kids were happy and healthy, and so helpful. I really married up. He's one of a kind. 

So, now to settle back into our routine; it's way past my bedtime. Thankfully, all 6 kiddos are tucked in bed and sound asleep. I still have lunches to pack and dishes to do but I'm so tired, I may just head to bed. Either way, the world feels right again. It's good to be home. 

Surprise!

I am constantly reminded of how we now have 5 children, and another on the way, soon to be an official family of 6. The level of noise, the constant giggling, playing and the amount of food that goes in & out of the kitchen is a clear reminder of how we are indeed growing. And, we feel so blessed to have the titles of Papa and Mama.  

Lina & Fatima ready for their first day of school!

Our three girls (Lina, Fatima, & Marieta) have been with us for just two months, and have adjusted very well. ALL of our girls are finally in school, after begging a teacher at the local school to accept them into her class. Our girls have NEVER been to school so it has been a whole new experience for each of them.

They left the house on their very first day of school in their new uniforms, a light blue top with a dark blue skirt & leggings. The pride in their shoulders & the smiles spread across their faces told us that school was exactly where these smart girls belong. They are learning so much, and we're thankful we had a little time with them at home to teach them the basic letters & numbers.

The girls also received the SURPRISE of a lifetime on Saturday. Several ladies from their former village, Nantira-Mogovola District, came to visit and check in with us. These women are not related to the children but many are from the same tribe and often helped to care for the girls before we met them.

We decided not to tell the girls they would have visitors, in case they were unable to make it or had trouble getting to the city. When they arrived, the door opened, the girls peaked around the corner of the living room into the entry way, and they all jumped & attacked our unknowing visitors.

The girls leapt into the arms of the women they hadn't seen for several months. They were so excited to see someone familiar and remember a bit of home. The girls were eager to share with their visitors, chatting about school and showing off their uniforms & notebooks and other school supplies.

Lina was the most talkative, showing off to a woman she considers to be like her grandma. Fatima & Marieta also wanted to show off their school uniform, but neither of them like to be in the spotlight like Lina!

We were able to enjoy breakfast & tea together, we prayed and looked at pictures from our visit in April to Nantira, when we first met the girls. There are about 25 children in that area who have been orphaned by at least one parent, and several more who have lost both, so were updated on the status of several children who are not doing well.

Our visitors from Nantira with Fatima, Marieta, Lina & Jadon

One little girl, about the same age as Fatima, is severely malnourished and her health continues to get worse. We are praying to be able to visit Nantira again soon, possibly in August. Our friend, Antonio, who introduced us to his friends & pastors in that area, travels several times per month to Nantira to check on the church members and orphans. If the girl isn't responding to the treatments we've sent her, Antonio may bring her back with him.

[SIDE NOTE: This is the exact reason that having a solid 4x4 is so important for this work. We need to be able to travel to rural areas where the road conditions can be extremely bad. There are many churches & communities we would like to work with; unfortunately, we are unable to do so at this time because our little truck just wouldn't make it!]

After a fun morning with our visitors, we saw them off and were reminded of the community that loves these children. While these woman are not able to care for these children now, they may be able to in the future, or at least continue to mentor them as they grow.

These kiddos are extremely loved and cared for, and not just by us. Imagine a whole community coming together to make sure these 3 women could afford to make it to the city, check on these girls, and bring an offering of amendoim - peanuts - to say thank you.

All of the kids seem to be in better spirits this week, encouraged by the visitors we received, and excited about life in general. Lina can have a bit of an attitude at times, but she seems more at peace and more laid back. Fatima usually follows what Lina does, and she is far more reserved than any child in the house. She is calm and gentle, but has really come out of her shell since starting school. Ali just continues to go with the flow - he's always smiling and always happy!

I start my journey to the States on Friday, which I know will be a big change for all of the kids. Praying for peace for them, and sanity for Phil as he takes on the challenge of being Mom, Dad, and everything in-between. If you think of them, please pray for business to continue as usual, and for the kids to adjust well to the changes.

Can't wait to get this show on the road! Hope to see many of you while I'm in the States for a fast & furious trip.

Be STILL

ALL of our kiddos are off to school today. The house is quiet, and for the first time in what feels like years, I have a moment to sit down with my steaming mug of life-giving coffee, my blanket and my Bible.

This cool season brings very cool temps in the mornings, before the sun is in full effect. Being a Colorado girl, you'd think it would be nothing for me. But the difference is: 100% humidity - the chills sets in when you least expect it, usually followed by a cough. So I take every opportunity I can to pretend like it's a blizzarding Colorado winter, and cuddle up on the couch.

As I am following my Bible plan on my phone, a plan to read the WHOLE Bible in one year, I realize I'm way behind. Like, 100 days or so! This doesn't mean I don't read my Bible, but sometimes I'm looking things up or studying for a woman's group or a class at church or a class I'm teaching. It's rare that I get to sit down and follow the chapters and verses listed out for me each day.

I decide instead of playing catch-up and not getting a lot out of each day, I'd read my lesson for the day. If I have time, I'll come back and do another in the afternoon & one before bed. I'll get caught up in no time.

I open my Bible to Exodus, chapter 14. This is one of my favorite books of the Bible, as Moses is literally leading the Israelites out of Egypt. This chapter focuses on the Israelites fleeing their captors, with the Egyptians on their heels.

And then verse 14 caught me so off guard, and made my eyes well up with tears:

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

God speaks right to us when we need to hear it. I needed this word SO badly today. And right before this, Moses tells the people to not be afraid, to stand firm, and watch God deliver them from the Egyptians.

I may not have an army chasing after me, and a giant body of water in front of me, with seemingly no where to run, but there are times I feel like a frightened Israelite. I have tried many a times to remember not to worry, to remember that God is faithful, that God is with us and for us, and not against us. But at times, it's so easy to feel so disconnected, so far away from those we love and those who love us, and so inadequate at this whole parenting & ministry gig.

There are days when I feel so ineffective, so tired, so ready to move into a new season. And there are days when I feel like the most blessed, fulfilled person on the face of the planet. But these are feelings, not always an accurate and reliable source for me.

Then God gives me moments like this morning: He is fighting for us. He just wants me to be still. I know God will always provide, I know God will always see us through every trial, and I know who I am in Him. Being still is sometimes the hardest part for me.

Beloved, if you're feeling like there are a thousand armies chasing after you today, in your marriage, in your finances, in your children, your ministry...God knows your need. God knows what you're going through. But we have to let Him fight for us. We have to be still.

I recently started attending a Bible study with an incredible group of ladies here in Nampula. It's a study by Lisa TerKeurst, called Uninvited. There's a section in the study where she says:

                                    God is good.
                                    God is good to me.
                                    God is good at being God.
                                    And today is yet another page
                                      in our great love story.

This has been a beautiful mantra for me over the last few weeks. Having a baby, having crazy hormonal stuff going on, as well as an upcoming trip away from this country - my home now - for an extended period of time, has really run me ragged.

My overtired brain & body can't seem to rest most nights. I lay awake thinking about Jadon's school fees, the plane ticket I slapped on my credit card, how will the kids do while I'm away for so long, will my absence cause more trauma, Phil is going to be all alone, shouldering everything. But when I speak my mantra over these worries, and remember that God is fighting for me; I can finally rest.

God is good at being God. He doesn't need me to interfere. He doesn't need my assistance. God doesn't need anything from me. He doesn't really need me at all! Yet, he WANTS me and YOU. He loves each of us, no matter what we've done or how we've failed. There is nothing we could ever do to make him love us more or less. What a reminder, eh?!

I hope this little mantra from Lisa will help you to remember that God is in control, and he only needs us to be still. I'm praying that you will find rest in Him when you feel weary. In fact, I'm thinking I've earned a nap.

Making Friends with the Vet

Most Africans have a weird aversion to dogs. Maybe because as Americans, we treat pets like family, while here, dogs are for security purposes ONLY. In other countries, dogs are eaten (ugh – that’s disgusting).

Anyway - dogs are a huge part of keeping this home secure. Without dogs, most of the people with bad intentions around here tend to sneak right in and grab what they can and sneak right out.

Thankfully, petty theft is usually the name of the game. We have had the kids’ shoes stolen when they were outside drying, and we’ve had a few pairs of kid’s underwear disappear, too. Hmmm…

We’ve also had a small, low level grill stolen and charcoal, too. Boxes of matches have gone missing from the back veranda, and our trash usually gets dug into at some point during the week. But with Bonnie & Clyde, even INVITED guests are usually afraid to come in.

However, Clyde had been under the weather. So under the weather, he was almost in his grave on Saturday last week. We prayed and prayed that he would make it until our vet got back into town on Sunday. And thank GOD – he did!

Clyde

Our vet – Dr. Shaida – is awesome. She’s saved the lives of several dogs we love, and we were hoping she could save Clyde, too. She said Clyde had lost a lot of blood due to a severe tick infestation, despite tick treatments. Those little blood suckers would not leave our big guy alone. And he suffered a lot. He had lost so much weight & he was dehydrated.

Dr. Shaida gave us a heavy vitamin regimen along with some antibiotics to help get our big guy better. Unfortunately, he was only getting worse, so I took him back to the doc last Monday. She told me he has lost a lot of blood and all she could do was try to make him comfortable. Clyde passed away a few hours later.

Maybe its hormones or the fact that I sat with him most of that day, but wow – I didn’t know that sweet dog had crept into my heart so deeply. Every time I look out the window I keep waiting to see him walk by or chase Bonnie.

Because dogs are a big part of our security, and after losing Clyde, we needed to start raising some new pups or find some large dogs that need a home. The vet let us know she would bring any big dogs our way who needed a home, and our friend Niki hooked us up with a friend from Jadon’s school who had a puppy available.

Ali & Lucy

So while we’re still grieving our big guy, we’re busying ourselves with caring for a new Rhodesian Ridgeback. Lucy is sweet and small – only about 8 weeks – but by the looks of her mom & dad, she’ll be a big dog, too.

We’re praying our guard dogs stay healthy and grow to be nice & big. And I’m praying the vet bills don’t make the humans in this house sick….