Parenting a Tweenager...

The challenges of parenting someone else’s child from age 12 or 13 never really crossed my mind as we began receiving children earlier this year. Yes, of course, the thought of raising a child who had already been through many things we would never know or fully understand, DID cross my mind. But the fact that a child could already be so mistreated, formed in horrible ways & conditions, didn’t always come to mind. This is now at the forefront of my daily thinking.

We’ve been having many challenges with one of our girls, Carolina. We call her Lina for short. Lina seems to think she’s already an adult. However, in her culture, this is pretty much a fact. At age 13 or 14, girls are married off and begin having babies a year or so later. The women are expected to do everything, from cooking, hauling water, caring for the children, to providing for the family, farming by hand, and looking after their elderly family members.

The fact the Lina thinks she is an adult has been a bit of a double edged sword. We’re both trying to look at the positives – she is helpful, smart, and always wants to care for her younger ones. On the other hand, she is also defiant at times, and does things we’ve asked her not to do, even after we’ve talked about it over and over again.

We’re certainly NOT frustrated with her, as we know she’s only lived with us for a few months and she needs more care & guidance than she was given for the first 12 or 13 years of her life. Rather than fighting to survive and live to see another day, she now has some security that her basic needs are being met, and I’m sure she will begin to flourish & mature the way she should. Spending more and more time with her has become our goal.

The rest of our kids sometimes follow Lina’s lead, so we’re trying to figure out how to deter the negative behaviors & encourage the good habits she has created. When Lina goes left, Fatima & Marieta are sure to follow; making sure we all set a good example for the youngest amongst us is really important. Ali is pretty independent and likes to make up his own mind. He is pretty content playing Legos with Jadon & Naro, or building his “casa” (house) as he always says, when playing with the big blocks.

Marieta, Lina, Fatima, Ali & Jadon enjoying their first popsicle of the hot season!

Despite some of the minor challenges we face, we are blessed with great kids. At times we forget that they’ve been raised their whole lives with their parents & other relatives, but we are reminded by their actions that they are still kids. There is still time to help teach them right from wrong, good from bad, and that as their parents for now, we only want what’s best for each of them.

As we continue with the kiddos we have, we are awaiting a few new arrivals, but we really have no idea when they’ll be coming to us. There are 3 children who have lost their mother & father, and their neighbor is currently caring for all of them. We are unable to reach the children due to the roads being in such poor condition. However, our long time friend, Antonio, has been out to visit the children & community to ensure they're being cared for. He as able to take some rice & beans out to the family help them take the best care of the children as they can. We're hoping to see them in the next few weeks.

So there you have it – our daily learning curve, out for the world to read. I hope it doesn’t sound like we’re discouraged, but more that I want to be real. There are days when I feel like we don’t know what we’re doing or I feel inadequate. Other days, we both feel like we’ve tackled every challenge like champs & the kids are better for it.

There are no shortages of struggles and challenges, but these are usually balanced by really wonderful days & fun memories with our kids. I’ll never forget the first smile we saw after weeks of averting our eyes, or the first belly laugh.

I’ll never forget helping Ali with his first bath, with hot water. I’ll never forget how he smiled so big when he got a new pair of shoes, and how he cried when he’d have to take them off. These are truly the moments we live for. Even if they were few and far between, we would continue on if only in anticipation of another joyful moment.