Preparations as the clock ticks away...

So many things have happened in the last 2 months. I'm still not sure that I have wrapped my head around everything that has happened. I left my job on May 29th, and started cleaning out our house for our first tenant. We sold what we could, donated the rest, and kept a few boxes of irreplaceable items: photos, Jadon's art work, and Christmas ornaments from when I was a kiddo. I had a great time going threw my most prized possessions, which really have zero monetary value. The process felt very slow and labored, but it was cleansing. The emotions involved in moving again in less than a year was hard, but we all pulled together and made it fun.

Right before we finished cleaning out our house, we sold our 2nd car and put the money away for our trip. I totaled our newer car over Mother's Day weekend in May, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise - one less item to sell or worry about. We packed up the 6 suit cases we are allowed for our flight and moved back to Durango, where it all began, and we are currently staying with my parents until we head out on August 25th to drive to Denver and fly out on August 26th. 

Between cleaning out the house, selling the car and packing our bags, I managed to squeeze in a much needed trip with my 2 best friends. We headed up to Oregon and spent 6 glorious days hiking, laughing and enjoying the breweries in Portland & Eugene. My soul needed it more than I knew. I have always had the most amazing friends, and I know that not everyone has been so blessed. I know how important my friends are to me, and while it was difficult to say goodbye, we are already planning excursions in Mozambique and other parts of Africa. Goodbyes don't have to last forever. 

With 5 short weeks left in the count down to August 26th, there is still a "To Do" list a mile long! From Phil finishing up summer classes and his final weeks of work, to a fundraiser at the River Church in August, to the Visa applications that have to be sent off tomorrow, and the final travel preparations for flights & hotel stays, each day seems to be filled with a long list to accomplish. In the hours in between tasks, I try to find the joy in the preparation - seeing friends, getting to collaborate with the wonderful people on our board of directors, and the opportunity to spend the summer enjoying the beauty of Colorado. I am so blessed to have a little bit of down time, and it has been so nice staying with my parents - they help out with Jadon, and my mom cooks the most amazing meals & she made a fabulous coconut cake for Phil's birthday! We really are spoiled.

In the next few weeks, we know that goodbyes will become more and more familiar and it is difficult to think that we don't know the next time we'll get to hug the people we love, who have supported us through many different phases of life. But all of it is so, so worth it. To live out a dream, it IS worth all of it. To never wonder, "why didn't we just try?!" Here's to no regrets, no looking back, and moving forward on an adventure we will never truly be prepared for, but our feet are stepping out in faith, knowing it is almost time to GO - 36 more days!

Beautiful Mess

Since making the decision that moving to Mozambique was what God was calling our family to do, it seemed like everything was moving forward & we were finally feeling like we were fulfilling a life long dream. And then the challenges started...one after another.

First, 2014 ended with Phil leaving a job that he loved but was unable to grow in, and it was ultimately decided through a lot of prayer that it was time for Phil to move on. We made it through the holidays, and we were grateful for God pressing upon our family to save as much money as possible in the months prior to Phil leaving his job.

The new year started off with high hopes and new adventures, including a new job for Phil. He was so excited and ready to start working again. As January came to a close, the oil & gas industry fell apart in Northern Colorado, and after 4 short weeks at his new job, he was laid off. However, God faithfully blessed Phil with a new job within hours of being laid off. But, this new job required more traveling than ever before. From Craig & Steamboat, to Utah and New Mexico, we didn't realize how much Phil would be away from our home in Firestone, CO.

As our family adjusted to Dad being away from home, and Jadon & I began creating a new routine with just the two of us at home, more obstacles and challenges came our way. In March, there was a mass found in my uterus. I wasn't too worried because the doctor wasn't overly concerned, and it ended up being nothing at all. Praise GOD!!

As I was feeling better about everything, I turned in my resignation letter at work in March (I gave nearly 3 months notice!). I began feeling so much peace about all of the changes happening in our life. We started selling things we no longer needed, stopped buying things we knew would never make it through the big move over the pond, and I began really digging into the Bible. I found that I really hadn't connected with God in this way since I was a young believer. As all of the little challenges continued, and having Phil working away from us, Jadon & I began to make if through each day in a more positive and hopeful way.

Finally, the weeks were winding down and I started packing. Phil & I talked about what to do with our recently purchased home - do we sell it while the market is hot or do we rent it, and should we hire a property manager? All of these things were coming quickly and we really needed a chance to sit down and talk, face to face. Then, on a rare occasion we had the opportunity to spend the weekend in Durango with my parents and Phil. Just like a typical Colorado spring, the weather was completely crazy. We left on a Friday evening, and the roads were covered in inches of rain water, and south of Pueblo, I couldn't see more than 5 feet in the thick fog. After 2 coyotes ran across the road coming down La Vita Pass, I decided it was best to stay the night in Alamosa, of course only after getting pulled over for a head light being out!! After all, a 4 1/2 hour drive had turned into nearly 7. I was ready to get some rest.

We spent the night in Alamosa, and we got back on the road Saturday morning. About 30 minutes into our 3 hour drive, it started to rain again. I noticed a truck down the road that was trying to turn and the truck was sliding all over the place. I had my cruise control set to 68, and I quickly turned it off. As soon as the car went from dry pavement to wet pavement, time slowed down and I remember every detail. The wet pavement soon turned to ice and sleet, the car fish tailed, and I almost lost control of the car. As soon as the car straightened back out, we went into a 180 degree spin, and Jadon & I, along with our pup Ozzie, were sliding backwards down the opposite lane, with 2 cars headed our way. Jadon began to scream, and he kept saying he was scared and he wanted me to stop. I had no control over the car so I reached back, grabbed his hand, and told him everything would be okay.

The car continued to slide down the road backwards, and then the car hit some gravel, and we spun around 2-3 times, went right down a ditch, through a barb wire fence, and we barreled head on for an electric pole. I remember thinking out loud that if we hit the pole head on, I would likely be injured and the air bags would deploy and Ozzie would probably die. I prayed just before the car hit the pole, and suddenly, we turned again and hit the pole on the passenger side - not head on.

The car came to a stop, I let go of Jadon's hand, and I got out of the car. I could smell burnt rubber, and the only thing I could do was scream. I was so angry because I knew what was happening, and I knew what the challenges of the last few months had really been - an attack. We had finally made the decision to do what I believe God has been asking us to do for the last 3 years, and now Satan was attacking our family. Anytime in my life when things were going well and life seemed "easy," I wasn't really taking an active role in my relationship with God...I was just sitting back and doing whatever I wanted to do. BUT - when I've prayerfully asked God for guidance, and I followed Him, things would always fall apart, and God would draw me close to Him, and then everything would work out but never as I had planned - always better.

If the last few months have taught me anything, it is this: When Satan attacks us, God will thwart his plans and He will make the plans He has for our lives even more evident. And if you aren't sure if the decisions you have made are part of God's plans, just sit back and wait because Satan will eventually start to attack you. And when he does, draw closer to God & give up all control to Him.

I'm a control freak by nature - I'm not really a "type A" personality, but I like to have control over whatever I can. I like to make financial plans, packing lists, book lists, to do lists...just about everything I do has a list! But in these last few months, especially in the recent car accident, God has shown me that He has control, and I don't. Trust me when I say that I would much rather have the Creator in control than me in control! I make a mess of everything...my whole life is a mess that God has pieced back together. I've made poor decisions, said hurtful things to others, ruined relationships, and so many other things. But I am a beautiful mess. I am loved by a God who loves me enough to let me try to do this life on my own, and when I totally screw it up, He comes along side me & lets me know I can try again - on His terms.

I think this has all been a lesson - a lesson of trust, hope, strength and endurance. These challenges have been minor set backs, small issues compared to what many people face on a daily basis. But if I can learn to trust God in the minor, frustrating things, I can learn to trust Him in the big things, too. And, maybe that was the point.

Ramblings: Provisions, Loving Others & Jesus

Small miracles come each day. I see God provide for my family's needs when we thought, "how in the world are we going to get by now?!" But when Phil was laid off a month ago, I knew we would be fine. I knew we wouldn't have to worry because God's got it, and all we have to do is trust Him. I know there have been many times in my own life where this was much easier said than done. However, this time felt so much different. I felt peace surrounding the lay off and we both knew God would take this situation and turn it into something great because that's what He does!

Phil left at 4am about 10 days ago to head down to a short term job in New Mexico. While it is never ideal for us to be separated by distance like this, we make it work because we know there is an end in sight. We are committed to each other and we know this is just a season; it isn't a permanent arrangement and God is providing for us in the midst of it all.

I also just have to take second to really brag on my husband. While sometimes I have to BEG him to sit still, I love that he has such a giving heart. When I tell him I know someone who needs something, or I know there will be a shortage for something for a client at work, he tells me to take care of people and make helping others a priority. We both have to make a huge effort to keep from over extending ourselves and burning ourselves out to the point we don't have any time or energy left for each other, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

There is something else that I REALLY love about my husband. If you have ever met my husband, he wants to know you - he wants a relationship with you, and not just the "American" friendships of waving from your front porch but not even knowing your neighbor's names. He really has a heart for community and for real, genuine friendships for life, not just for a short time. And many people have hurt him or walked all over him & taken advantage, but he is very forgiving even when I want to be bitter or stay in my un-forgiveness. He is quick to trust, slow to judge and loves people - plain & simple.

My husband is also an amazing man of God. He reminds me often of how far we have come & how far God has carried us, where we have been and where we are going. He never once doubts my relationship with God or doubts anything I tell him that God is speaking over our family. He also rarely discourages me from anything. He always encourages and supports whatever I want to do, even if it means putting his own personal goals on hold. I'm not saying he's a push over, but I am saying he makes sacrifices for what is best for our family as a whole. He really has a vision that is aligned with God, and the future God has in store for us. We know moving to Mozambique will require a lot of sacrifice, but if we don't go, we both agree we won't be fulfilled here.

Yes, we know God can use us wherever we are - even in our own backyards. It shouldn't take us moving to another country to be generous, compassionate, loving, selfless and down right kind. People should see how we behave on a daily basis and know there is something different about those crazy Jesus people!!

So, in everything you do, make people wonder what kind of cool-aide you're drinking. Give that waitress a fat tip and tell her about Jesus. Give that homeless guy a meal or give him a place to shower or sleep for the night, and tell him about Jesus. Give someone extra quarters at the laundry mat and tell them about Jesus. Buy someone's coffee next time you're out and tell them about Jesus. Whatever you choose to do, do it in a way that it brings a smile to God's face, knowing that you have cared for people who are no different you or I - we are imperfect, sinful, hateful & selfish people. Yep - I'll admit it right away. I'm so imperfect it's not even funny. I like to swear and I have no idea why. It just makes me feel better sometimes and it drives my husband crazy!! But I know I have to find better & different ways to let out anger & frustration than dropping an F-bomb or even saying something unkind or gossiping about someone. None of these things show love and I'm sure if someone heard me say what I want to say most of the time, they would not readily assume I love Jesus.

There you go - ramblings from a mom's heart, a wife's heart and a Jesus lover.

Listen up

I had the most incredibly busy week I've had in a VERY long time. I have been so busy with work, and I feel like it is taking over my life on some levels. Along with that, I've also started using & selling Rodan + Fields skincare products. ALL of my profit from R+F will go towards the orphanage and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do this right now. On top of that, my husband is traveling for a temporary job opportunity so I'll be a single parent for a couple of weeks. (By the way - I have SOOO much respect for single parents - it is HARD!) Oh, and we're preparing for an upcoming move to a 3rd world country - but no big deal.

 I hate that our lifestyles are so busy that we have to have something drastic take place before we slow down. I miss the days when we didn't have lightening fast internet or text messaging or email. I miss the days when we would stand in our front yard talking to the neighbors for an hour. Those days now seem to be very few and far between.

In the midst of the business, I feel like it is impossible not to get lost in the chaos. It seems as though more and more gets added to my plate each day, and while I'm good with that because I think I am super woman & I can do it all, something always suffers. Whether it's time with my son, time with my husband or time for myself, I have learned in the last few years as a social worker that something will get put aside. Lately, it seems to be time for myself that gets tossed out the window, or time with God. I can always tell when I haven't spent enough time with Jesus because my heart & my head start to malfunction and then everything seems to fall apart. I start losing patience with difficult clients or I get frustrated easily by my husband or my son, or I just feel short & snippy with those around me that I love the most. More than anything, I feel disconnected from GOD when I don't spend time in prayer and when I'm disconnected I feel more isolated and alone and I tend to worry more.

As I was driving to meet with a student for work on Tuesday, I was really focused on getting to my next destination quickly so I could move on to the next task. I felt God telling me to pull over help a girl I saw on the side of the road, holding a cardboard sign. I didn't even read the sign at first, and then I glanced over. It said "out of gas - anything helps." I just turned away and started wondering how long the light had been red because it was taking way too long and I am in a hurry! I continued to drive as I battled with my heart:

Heart: "Stop & help that girl. She can't be much older than you & maybe she is going through a really horrible time. Be the hands & feet you have been called to be!"

Me: "I'm trying to save kids, thanks. I'm in a hurry, and I need to get things done today! I don't have time for that."

Heart: "You can help right now, in some way and it won't take long. Just turn around."

Me: "No."

Heart: "TURN AROUND."

Me: "No, I don't have time.:

Heart: "You want to move to Africa to help people? Why don't you help her first?!"

Me: "OK!"

So I turned around, after fighting with my heart for a good 4 blocks. Long story short - her name is Sarah and she was traveling to AZ. She didn't calculate enough money for her gas and she ended up only having enough money for a little bit of food and that was all. She said she had a job lined up and a friend was giving her a room to stay in once she made it to AZ. We talked for a few minutes while we pumped her gas, and had a few laughs. She asked if she could give me hug and I asked if I could pray with her. We prayed, hugged and she went on her way.

As I was getting back in the car, I thought: "Ok, God, I did what you asked." I started back towards my next task and checked my email. There was a notice from Jadon's preschool and I immediately thought about how much we probably owe for his school and how we were going to pay for it was making my heart race. I opened the attached statement and discovered his amazing school director had canceled any charges for the days Jadon hasn't been at school since Phil was laid off (we're supposed to pay a fee even if he doesn't attend). The fees that were taken off our bill were several hundred dollars. I was speechless.

Tuesday will remain in my mind the day that I learned a very valuable lesson from God. If God asks you to help someone, do it, because even if you aren't sure how you'll pay the rest of your bills for the month, He will provide. I did it stubbornly, but I did what God asked that day. He showed me that even when we have doubts and feel overwhelmed by the daily struggles we encounter, God will always meet us where we are and meet our needs. But we have to listen.

HOW?!

Since making the decision to follow our calling without having all of the answers or even so much know how we're going to get to Mozambique, I started feeling overwhelmed. I think this is a perfectly normal response whenever a big decision is made in anyone's life, but I felt so overwhelmed my chest started to tighten up, and suddenly I felt as though I couldn't breath. I really had to stop and take a really focused, deep breath before I could I manage to calm myself down. I couldn't comprehend what it was that we had actually decided to do. I felt as though we have been called, so now we just go. Seemed simple enough at the time, right?

Uh, no. Totally wrong. I still don't think I have completely comprehended what is about to happen. "Stepping out in faith" feels like something that is said by those who have done something like this before - something so life changing you wouldn't be able to understand until you have walked where their feet have been. I want to feel like I have done this before, like I have completely stepped out in faith without holding back.

I spent some time reflecting on times in my life, or in the life of my small family, when we have walked out our faith or walked blindly and trusted God. I honestly feel like quitting my job and moving back to Colorado last year was a huge leap of faith. We had no idea where we were going to live, I didn't have a job, we didn't have a school lined up for Jadon, and we had no idea what we were going to do with all of our stuff if we couldn't find a place to live quickly. But I put in about a months notice at work, my brother & sister-in-law opened their home to us, and I began putting my resume out into Northern Colorado. It was a scary & big step, but God saw us through it all. And, after a short 2 months, we were home owners in a small, safe and beautiful community near work, the mountains and the city! It was a huge blessing to have God walk us through the home buying process.

I remember when I was about 14, I was having a lot of issues and I went to my family doctor. I was told at 14 that it would be really difficult for me to have children, if at all. I didn't worry about it until about 7 years later, when I married my love and we began talking about having a baby. I was sure it would take many years of trying and testing & being poked and prodded. But we trusted God would grow our family in His time, and in His way - either through adoption or a child grown from our bodies. In a few short weeks, we found out we were expecting our little man.

I keep thinking of these major miracles God has worked in our lives. But moving away from our families, moving away from everything I know and into a complete unknown is very different. Not to mention the fact that we will miss out on a lot - weddings, funerals, bridal showers, new babies, new families, and so much more. We will miss the beautiful parts of life and the ugly disappointments of life. But I think this is the least we can do. Jesus died for us, so that we would have life - so we could be free to live and love others, and show the world how much Jesus loves us. The least I can do is give up my life to this calling - to this project & mission that is impossible on my own, but possible with God.

I don't think we'll know what is ahead for us, or be prepared to face many of the challenges we will be presented with early on. Relying on God will be the only way to get anything accomplished. I know that my education and my experience in child welfare may prepare a small part of me for what we will see, but it won't prepare us for the sacrifices we will make, the pain we will feel when one of the children we serve dies, or when we witness heart wrenching cases of abuse or neglect.

I'm not writing this to glorify what we are doing, or to complain about what we will miss by leaving a comfortable life in the U.S. I am, however, just trying to process through how this will all work out. I don't know how we will afford plane tickets, how we will afford to live in Mozambique, how we will move all of our stuff from our home to another country, 10,000 miles away. I wonder if we'll be around to help my parents when they grow old, if I'll meet my nieces and nephews, if I'll get to see my sister get married or watch my brother get married.

I don't have any of the answers. I'm not even sure how we will fulfill our financial obligations in the next few months to come due to oil & gas plummeting so Phil was laid off 2 weeks ago. BUT!! What I do know is this:

GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF THIS. GOD KNOWS - HE WILL LEAD, HE WILL PROVIDE, HE WILL DIRECT & HE WILL BLESS.

There will be frustrating times ahead, there is no doubt. There will be times of questioning, worry & stress. There will be sadness, anger, injustice and defeat. But more than anything, I look forward to the small triumphs. If there is anything I'm learning through this whole process it is this:  I look forward to God growing us, and humbling us. Relying on God to meet our needs requires so much faith. But in 28 years, God has never let me or my family go without anything, even in the most difficult times.

The adventure begins now, and even if we don't have all the answers to the HOW questions, we don't have to worry about it. God said go, so we're going and trusting that he will provide. And, He will, because He always has.

The timing will never be right...

I love the beginning of a new year - the promise of changes, the promise of hope, and the promise of more memories to make with those we love. But this year has started off with a lot of one thing...
CHANGE.

God has laid it upon our hearts to make it back to Mozambique this summer as residents. We prayed about what to do when God called us, and we reached out to those who have walked along side us, and asked them to join with us in praying about what to do. Ultimately, we heard God's voice loud and clear, and everyone who prayed with us told us to just GO! We committed to leaving the end of June or early July, and this dream we have been working towards for so long suddenly became a reality. And then something unexpected happened...

As we all have noticed, oil & gas prices have been dropping quickly and quite dramatically. I was really enjoying filling my gas tank up for less than $20, until Phil's new job started to cancel jobs locally and out of town. We both knew there was a possibility that things would slow down due to the drop in oil, but we never expected the worst - yep, lay offs. We both have always trusted that God would take care of us, and trust me when I say, He truly is. But Phil did come home from work on Tuesday with a letter that said he was being laid off, along with about 100 other employees.

As Phil began applying for new jobs & working on updating his resume, my job has been so stressful and difficult for the last few weeks. Child protection is no joke, and you really have to believe in what you are doing & be willing to make sacrifices to do the best work you can do. I've been working at least 60 hours each week trying to catch up with my ever growing caseload, and for the most part, I'm barely keeping my head above water. So while I've been throwing myself into my work, Phil is looking for new opportunities, and Jadon is caught somewhere in the middle of it all.

So many things in this life distract us from what is the most important. My top 3 most important priorities in my life are: 1. God 2. My husband 3. Jadon. There is no room for me to make worrying a priority, or let doubt creep into our hearts. Stress is plentiful in this world, and we know that each day has enough problems of its own.

Putting our own "problems" in perspective is also the fact that there is horrible flooding in Mozambique right now, and friends & family have already reported how desperate the situation is becoming. Food is expensive and scarce, and the electricity is still out. There are roads that have been washed out, food plants have been shut down due to no electricity, and there are 150,000 people that have been force from their homes.

Even though the timing is horrible in our eyes, and it seems as though there is yet another obstacle in the way of getting back to Mozambique, I think God will take this situation and make all of these circumstances work for the most amazing outcome we could never have imagined. We know that God is present in Mozambique and know He can do great things in the midst of this storm. We trust that even though the timing is off, and we have to have more FAITH to carry us through the troubles & doubts, God will make a beautiful story to tell.

GO - GO NOW

Our family has been planning for a future in Africa for almost 6 years now. Building an orphanage was the single most frightening journey we've ever been on, but it has always been a dream set in our hearts by God. I can't believe how much time has gone by since the very beginning of this adventure. There have been so many triumphs but even more frustrations. We've experienced moments of pure joy & peace through out the process, but we continue to be confronted with challenge after challenge that we can't seem to overcome. We have numerous family members & friends in Mozambique who have exhausted every connection and favor to try to help. But now, we know that there is a reason this is not working - we were called 6 years ago to GO, and for some reason we thought we had to do this is in a well thought out, logical way. When God asks, you take a step of FAITH and GO. God will figure out the rest.

When God calls us as people of faith to go do something, we should have faith to do what He has asked and then trust that He will figure out all of the details. I happen to be a very controlling personality who likes to have a plan and then put that plan into action. I don't go on vacation without making a list and a loose itinerary. I have to know - to some degree - what's next! I want to be prepared for all the adventures. However, I think being in child protection has caused me to be overly concerned about having a plan for everything. This happens to zap some of the fun and excitement out of the unknown. And, I believe this is another reason why God has been moving us to a place of accepting our calling more seriously, with a sense of urgency.

To put it simply, it's time for us to GO. We don't know how, but we are willing to GO. Laura & Jadon will go first, and when Philemon is finished with his degree, he will come, too. So June 2015 has now become GO time!

We've truly been praying about this and feeling God pulling at out hearts to just GO for well over a year now, and possibly longer. But we weren't really listening with our hearts. Our heads were trying to be logical and plan and have results of some kind in Mozambique before we picked up and left. But between my mom and a family friend, both said if God calls, then GO - He will figure out the HOW piece. We'll need to raise support, figure out the logistics and needs, and we'll need partners willing to walk along side us, both spiritually & financially. But God's got this - and we know He will direct our path. We will certainly share more details as they come. Please pray for us as we dive in head first and GO!