Beautiful Mess

Since making the decision that moving to Mozambique was what God was calling our family to do, it seemed like everything was moving forward & we were finally feeling like we were fulfilling a life long dream. And then the challenges started...one after another.

First, 2014 ended with Phil leaving a job that he loved but was unable to grow in, and it was ultimately decided through a lot of prayer that it was time for Phil to move on. We made it through the holidays, and we were grateful for God pressing upon our family to save as much money as possible in the months prior to Phil leaving his job.

The new year started off with high hopes and new adventures, including a new job for Phil. He was so excited and ready to start working again. As January came to a close, the oil & gas industry fell apart in Northern Colorado, and after 4 short weeks at his new job, he was laid off. However, God faithfully blessed Phil with a new job within hours of being laid off. But, this new job required more traveling than ever before. From Craig & Steamboat, to Utah and New Mexico, we didn't realize how much Phil would be away from our home in Firestone, CO.

As our family adjusted to Dad being away from home, and Jadon & I began creating a new routine with just the two of us at home, more obstacles and challenges came our way. In March, there was a mass found in my uterus. I wasn't too worried because the doctor wasn't overly concerned, and it ended up being nothing at all. Praise GOD!!

As I was feeling better about everything, I turned in my resignation letter at work in March (I gave nearly 3 months notice!). I began feeling so much peace about all of the changes happening in our life. We started selling things we no longer needed, stopped buying things we knew would never make it through the big move over the pond, and I began really digging into the Bible. I found that I really hadn't connected with God in this way since I was a young believer. As all of the little challenges continued, and having Phil working away from us, Jadon & I began to make if through each day in a more positive and hopeful way.

Finally, the weeks were winding down and I started packing. Phil & I talked about what to do with our recently purchased home - do we sell it while the market is hot or do we rent it, and should we hire a property manager? All of these things were coming quickly and we really needed a chance to sit down and talk, face to face. Then, on a rare occasion we had the opportunity to spend the weekend in Durango with my parents and Phil. Just like a typical Colorado spring, the weather was completely crazy. We left on a Friday evening, and the roads were covered in inches of rain water, and south of Pueblo, I couldn't see more than 5 feet in the thick fog. After 2 coyotes ran across the road coming down La Vita Pass, I decided it was best to stay the night in Alamosa, of course only after getting pulled over for a head light being out!! After all, a 4 1/2 hour drive had turned into nearly 7. I was ready to get some rest.

We spent the night in Alamosa, and we got back on the road Saturday morning. About 30 minutes into our 3 hour drive, it started to rain again. I noticed a truck down the road that was trying to turn and the truck was sliding all over the place. I had my cruise control set to 68, and I quickly turned it off. As soon as the car went from dry pavement to wet pavement, time slowed down and I remember every detail. The wet pavement soon turned to ice and sleet, the car fish tailed, and I almost lost control of the car. As soon as the car straightened back out, we went into a 180 degree spin, and Jadon & I, along with our pup Ozzie, were sliding backwards down the opposite lane, with 2 cars headed our way. Jadon began to scream, and he kept saying he was scared and he wanted me to stop. I had no control over the car so I reached back, grabbed his hand, and told him everything would be okay.

The car continued to slide down the road backwards, and then the car hit some gravel, and we spun around 2-3 times, went right down a ditch, through a barb wire fence, and we barreled head on for an electric pole. I remember thinking out loud that if we hit the pole head on, I would likely be injured and the air bags would deploy and Ozzie would probably die. I prayed just before the car hit the pole, and suddenly, we turned again and hit the pole on the passenger side - not head on.

The car came to a stop, I let go of Jadon's hand, and I got out of the car. I could smell burnt rubber, and the only thing I could do was scream. I was so angry because I knew what was happening, and I knew what the challenges of the last few months had really been - an attack. We had finally made the decision to do what I believe God has been asking us to do for the last 3 years, and now Satan was attacking our family. Anytime in my life when things were going well and life seemed "easy," I wasn't really taking an active role in my relationship with God...I was just sitting back and doing whatever I wanted to do. BUT - when I've prayerfully asked God for guidance, and I followed Him, things would always fall apart, and God would draw me close to Him, and then everything would work out but never as I had planned - always better.

If the last few months have taught me anything, it is this: When Satan attacks us, God will thwart his plans and He will make the plans He has for our lives even more evident. And if you aren't sure if the decisions you have made are part of God's plans, just sit back and wait because Satan will eventually start to attack you. And when he does, draw closer to God & give up all control to Him.

I'm a control freak by nature - I'm not really a "type A" personality, but I like to have control over whatever I can. I like to make financial plans, packing lists, book lists, to do lists...just about everything I do has a list! But in these last few months, especially in the recent car accident, God has shown me that He has control, and I don't. Trust me when I say that I would much rather have the Creator in control than me in control! I make a mess of everything...my whole life is a mess that God has pieced back together. I've made poor decisions, said hurtful things to others, ruined relationships, and so many other things. But I am a beautiful mess. I am loved by a God who loves me enough to let me try to do this life on my own, and when I totally screw it up, He comes along side me & lets me know I can try again - on His terms.

I think this has all been a lesson - a lesson of trust, hope, strength and endurance. These challenges have been minor set backs, small issues compared to what many people face on a daily basis. But if I can learn to trust God in the minor, frustrating things, I can learn to trust Him in the big things, too. And, maybe that was the point.