6 little words...

I have been waiting for this day to come since we moved to Mozambique. The 6 words would come at some point – I knew it was a matter of WHEN, not IF. I think Phil & I both knew that moving to a 3^rd world country with a 5-year-old wasn’t exactly going to be easy for either of us who had become accustomed to our life in the U.S., let alone our little man who has never known any other place than the U.S. And, even if it was because he was in trouble, it still cut right to my heart when he said it last weekend: “I just want to go home.” This phrase came out of J’s mouth followed by about 30 minutes of crying and asking me why we can’t “go back.”

I had rehearsed what I would say in my head a few times before this happened. I thought I would say something like: “Why? Doesn’t this place feel like home?” Or, “Don’t you want us to stay so you can go to your awesome school and be with your cousins?”

Despite being well rehearsed, I couldn’t say much. I knew deep inside that he didn’t choose this monumental change: WE chose it. Phil & I know God has brought us here, called us here, and we are committed to doing whatever it takes to make living here work so we can meet the needs of the vulnerable children in this area. We talked with Jadon a lot about moving, about leaving our house and our dog and most of our possessions behind. We talked with Jadon about the WHYs of moving, and what we wanted to accomplish by moving to Mozambique. The reality, though, was Jadon had no say in this move; he had not control & no choice in the matter. Period.

Another part of me wanted to tell him how blessed we are to have this opportunity. I wanted to explain to him that the majority of people in this world don’t have their own bedroom, a pile of toys and 2 parents who can provide for him. I wanted to explain to him he is privileged and spoiled. But I knew that wasn’t going to do any good either. After all, I thought to myself, he’s only 5, MOM! So, I did my best to explain as lovingly as I could.

Waiting at the airport in Ethiopia - August 2015

At first, I struggled to convey the message to J why we can’t just “go home.” Thankfully, we had been on an outing earlier in the day and he had experienced (probably for the first time) people begging on the street, and we saw 2 street boys sleeping under a bench. He was really bothered by what he saw, so we talked to a few to show him not to be afraid, and when we got home we talked about how we could help people who don’t have a home. I think he was beginning to understand WHY we are here.

When he said he wanted to go home, I asked him a lot of questions. After talking and crying for a little while he said he wants us to stay and help kids like the 2 boys we saw earlier in the day, and we talked about what Phil & I can do to make him feel like this place is his home. Overall, he seems to need a little space and a little alone time with Mom & Dad, which I think we can arrange without a problem. He also said he can’t wait for us to live in our own house (ME TOO!!). I know it hasn’t been easy to go from being an only child to having 4 siblings all of a sudden, but it has only been a few months verses his 5 years alone.

Jadon has also been memorizing Psalm 23, so after we talked and I explained to him why we can’t leave, he said his memory verses. I explained to him that God will lead us through anything in life, and He will be everything to us when we feel sad or worried or scared, or even when we feel like we want to go back to our “home.” I have no idea if any of our conversation sunk in, but I really hope it did. If nothing else, it was a good way for us to spend a quiet minute together.

I know “I just want to go home,” may rear its head again, and next time it may not be Jadon. But God is bigger than “I want to go home,” bigger than fear, bigger than any amount of money, bigger than any obstacle. We knew this wouldn’t be easy. We knew there would be an adjustment period for us, for Jadon, for our family here. We knew moving across the world, away from family and friends, would have its struggles, joys and frustrations. But the best part about God is He can be EVERYTHING to us in each of those seasons. In times when we feel lonely, we know God will comfort us. When there is a season of frustration or sadness, God will be there. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We never have to fear. We find great comfort in knowing that we will never be alone.