Glorified Babysitter

I recently was called a glorified babysitter. Yeah.

Apparently this person thought that working around the clock to help communities deal with their own orphan crisis was just babysitting. There are definitely no days off  and I don't get paid to be here - if I was babysitting, I'd be demanding payment!

Jadon & I catching up on our games

Let me back up a little bit & explain why this left me feeling a little shocked. I've always been a fan of missions and of missionaries. But I was also young & naive when I held romantic ideas of what the "mission field" should look like.

Our girls

My eyes have been opened over the last 13 years, since I first became interested in a life overseas. There ARE missionaries & nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) who do a lot of good. But we've also seen first hand the amount of time & resources wasted, and quite frankly, many of those working for these organizations don't have ANY training or developed skill sets to effect the change they so desperately want to see. Good intentions have become just that and many organizations are creating more dependency rather helping with long term, sustainable solutions. We've always wanted to help but our goal is NOT to create dependent communities.

I knew I needed solid skills & training in order to come back to Moz & help in a REAL way. I worked tirelessly for 4 years - and I'm not talking 2 little semesters of school and that's it. Nope - I worked year-round on my bachelors and then my masters in Clinical social work. Why? Because I knew I would need to be equipped with actual SKILLS to be able to effect change in the world, and Mozambique was always on the horizon in front of me.

Bible study & coloring time

Now that we live here and we are into this thing full time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the good, the bad and the ugly, I'm so thankful not only for the education I received, but for the people who continue to mentor & partner with us. I'm also thankful that so many people see the need for skilled, trained & prepared individuals to serve in missions & NGO capacities. Otherwise, honestly, one is just living like a professional vacationer & traveler.

As a church, we need to be more mindful of what we call a "mission" trip, and call these things what they are. If an orphanage or a school has to make sure their kids dirty the walls through out the year so a few untrained people who've never painted anything in their life can repaint those walls each year and call it a mission trip, we need to reevaluate what these trips look like.

Discovering the Island of Mozambique

A few short years of service won't change anything, so long term commitments are needed. And we're committed to be here for the long haul. Building relationships will change everything, along with letting God do the (heart) work. We have to be willing to meet people where they're at - in their grief, brokenness, pain, anger, skepticism, disbelief, fear, etc. When things get hard and we are uncomfortable, God will do more through us and in us.

Seriously, look at Peter - Jesus told him to get outta the boat and walk on WATER... Our faith grows more in difficult and uncomfortable circumstances than when we live a predictable, comfy life. But we can't just be willing to be uncomfortable - we have to use this nice brain God gave us & come as prepared as we can. Otherwise, we're wasting precious time, resources, and opportunities to help be an ambassador for change.

So while "glorified babysitter" wasn't exactly what I thought others would call what we do,  maybe we should SHOW you what our days look like instead. Anyone have a GoPro?!

Alone

The smell of bleach was very evident as the attendant wheeled me into the maternity ward. The fumes captured my senses and shocked me back to reality. It was time and now I'd have to actually do it. I would have to get this baby out. 

The small room had 2 beds with plastic covered mattresses and a curtain in between. A small fridge sat on top of a little stool, and a desk full of random items sat near the door. That was it. My expectations going in were pretty low, so I wasn't surprised.

Men are never allowed in the maternity ward because unless you have money (about $50-$100) there's no private room. There was only a big room with about 8 beds. There were 5 other women in that crowded room, crying out in pain. And they were each laboring, crying, pushing, and enduring excruciating pain alone. ALL ALONE. 

A few of the essentials I take with me. 

I had a relatively good experience giving birth to Josephine here. It was fast & only difficult the last few minutes. I had my husband there despite arguing with 2 doctors, and if he hadn't been, I would've likely had Josephine on the floor. But something still haunts me about that day. All the women who couldn't afford a private room had to do it ALONE. And then I saw it happen again a few weeks ago.

I started visiting a local clinic that most of our neighborhood goes to when ill, and all of the women in our area have their babies at this clinic as well. I brought some practical gifts with me to give to each lady - soap, a wash cloth, snacks, and a few other essentials. 

The nurse told me there was a lady in labor and she'd like me to visit if I wouldn't mind going in, as she was naked. I said yes, of course. And when I went in, it was the same thing over again: a woman lying on a plastic mattress on a table made for giving birth, going through the most awful pain you could ever imagine, all ALONE.  

I cry when I think back to that moment. I remember when in labor with both kids, there was a moment BOTH times that I felt like this is it - I'm going to die. I can't do this, it hurts so much and I can't take anymore pain. But both times, I had someone there reminding me I wasn't going to die, praying over me, and telling me I could do it. The fear set in on both occasions but having that voice of reason there to remind me that: "HEY!! You CAN do this and you WILL finish it and you WON'T die!" was all the reassurance I needed. 

Our little warrior!

My heart aches for the women who give birth alone everywhere in the world. My heart cries out for each of them to feel comforted by God. I know that God can be their comfort. He will be with them no matter the situation.  

I also want to do my part. I didn't necessarily want to sit with a woman I didn't know (and then pray with her because she asked me to) but I did it anyway. I've given birth twice but I've never watched anyone else give birth. I was a little terrified but more than anything I felt her pain and I was scared for her - why should anyone go through that alone? 

While some of this is cultural (men never go with their wives to give birth), I don't see why women can't have a trusted friend, mom, neighbor, etc. while they are in labor. Many of my neighbors who have given birth recently said they don't have anyone who can go with them. 

The nurses at the clinic are also incredibly overwhelmed. When I arrived last week, the head nurse, Paula, said they had over 25 women that night come in and give birth! She said they were pushing people to go home once they were okay and had regained a little strength. The hospital only has 20 beds so I have no idea how 25 worked out...and I probably don't want to know!

I wanted to do my own part to let these ladies know they are loved. Once a week I take these small gifts with me and visit ladies who've just given birth, or they're just getting started. One lady was just a child - 15 years old. Another had twin boys at home. The smallest woman I'd ever seen had a baby that weighed in over 9lbs!! 

The ladies I've had the pleasure to meet have been curious as to why someone would want them to know they are loved and they are not alone. And that open door of curiosity has led to great conversations. I don't think they know how much they've encouraged me to keep going. And I hope our visit reminds them that they'll never be alone.  

P.S. These little packages cost about $5 to make for each lady. I take about 10-15 each week with me. If you'd like to help make a package, send $5 to heartfortheneedy@gmail.com via PayPal! You can even include a little note from you that I can include with the package. As always - it's tax deductible! 

Catching Up

Catching Up

In an effort to not be a totally spaced out mama who couldn’t keep up with anything after having a baby, I want to at least share how we ended our first operating year!

I’m Not Ready for This

Josephine's first day out of the womb!

As we walked into the hospital clinic on the morning of December 6^th to see Dr. Kwa, my OB doc, I was sure I wasn’t actually in labor. Sure, water was leaking from somewhere between my two legs but I wasn’t ready. I had a full day of shopping ahead – I still hadn’t bought diapers! And honestly, I wasn’t really having much pain.

Never the less, in under 2 hours, Jospehine was in my arms. It was an easy (if that can EVER be a term used to describe pushing out a baby…) and quick delivery – totally normal and not a single complication. I was on cloud 9 and I still am in some ways. It had been a very long time since we had a baby in our arms, and here she was.

We’ve pretty much been smitten ever since. She’s a sweet little girl. She loves to chat, listen to us talk, listen to music, and she hates to be in her own bed. She wants to be held and talked to all the time. And this girl does NOT joke around with food. She’s a good little eater!

Annual Christmas Eve party

The hospital conditions were quite 3^rd worldish, but I had a great doc and good nurses. The hospital itself was a little scary, which prompted a new ministry on Friday afternoons. Because of my labor experience, I spend a little time each week putting together some necessities for new mamas who give birth at the clinic near the house.  I just started 2 weeks ago & so far it’s been a wild ride - I’ll tell you more about this ministry later this week.

Sprint to the End

After JoJo joined us the beginning of December, the rest of the days started to run together! After just 4 days home with our baby girl, my mom & nephew, Matthew, arrived in Nampula. I can’t explain to you the kind of relief I felt having my mama near.

If any of you had a long break after having a child and later had another, you know how this feels, but seriously – it’s like starting ALL over. I couldn’t remember anything at first, but then we finally came around and got our baby-legs under us!

Merry Christmas!

We ended the year with a lot of excitement. We had a naming ceremony, a Yoruba tradition (Phil’s tribe from Nigeria), for Josephine. We had close family & friends over for a sunrise service, where we prayed for her, everyone prayed over us, and we had a big breakfast together afterwards.

We also had our annual Christmas Eve party with the kids from our neighborhood. We had over 120 kiddos show up this year! We played games, and our guard, Jose, taught a great Bible lesson about the birth of Jesus. We had a tasty meal of goat stew & rice, and plenty of sugar. We handed out notebooks & pencils to all the kids who passed their classes & would be starting a new school year in February.

Christmas Day was a beautifully quiet and fun day at home. Thanks to many friends, supporters and family members, my mom & Matthew brought lots of games, school supplies & clothes for all the kiddos. We’ve been learning how to play everything from Connect 4 & Uno to Old Maid. It’s a great way to pass the evenings when it rains.

Phil’s English class came over and helped us celebrate the end of the year. We had lots of visitors to attend to, but I think we were all in bed before midnight! We had been working hard all week – well, Phil & Matthew worked hard painting – so we had a quiet night.

A few days into the New Year, we left on a grand adventure to the beach! Many of our supporters from The River Church in Durango, CO, sponsored our kids so we were able to take them on their first real vacation. The girls had never been to the beach before, and Ali had only seen the ocean once. They played and played until they were exhausted. We had sand in every inch of our bags, every inch of our car and every inch of bodies! This was a sign of a vacation that served us well.

And thanks to my parents, we were spoiled with a night on Ilha de Moçambique – Mozambique Island. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site, and is one of the most interesting places I’ve visited in Mozambique. Full of history & heartache, the island has a lot to offer visitors. The museum is full of amazing art & gifted furniture from kings & leaders of many different countries & cultures.

The only pictures from the beach

The island was a major Arab port and was later overtaken by the Portuguese. The island has the Chapel of Nossa Senhora de Baluarte, the oldest European building in the Southern Hemisphere. There were many other influences through the centuries as well, including Dutch & Indian. The island served as a port as well as a trading & stopping point on trips to Indian. The island was a main slave trading post as well.

Starting Fresh                                                                                                                                                                              

After our grand adventure to Mozambique Island, we sadi goodbye to Gigi and Matthew, and started the New Year off getting back into some kind of routine. Let me tell ya – it wasn’t easy. Early school mornings, homework, long bus rides to & from school for Jadon – I was feeling like December should return & we should all go back to enjoying adventures away from home & responsibilities. But we forced ourselves back into a routine, and eventually we got the hang of it.

Mozambique Island

January felt like it was 12 months long, but we made it to February & we even celebrated 2 birthdays along the way! Marieta turned 10 in January & Fatima turned 11 in February. We, of course, had to celebrate with cake and both girls seemed a little blown away that we even celebrated.

Are we there yet?!

Since we’ve been enjoying a nice short break from constructing, we decided it was time we do something to prepare for our soon to begin foster program! (You can read more about that later this month!!) I, for one, don't particularly love constructing & sometimes I feel like, seriously?! Is it ever gonna end?! But then I remember all the cool programs we can do once we have other small houses built, too, and then our kids can also have somewhere to play outside! 

Mozambique Island

The first thing weve had to complete is a fence around the entire piece of property. Otherwise, if left open, neighbors will often start stealing and will begin a boundary war once you actualy start that fence! Thankfully, we’ve only had a small issue on the south side of our land. Our neighbor broke part of our fence, and then hurled insults when Phil asked if they saw what happened. Phil let it go, and we continued with the fence.

Mozambique Island 

We’re now finishing up the front side, which is about 85 meters long. Our guard, Jose, has been a champ & has tackled this project quickly. We’ve seen so much growth in him – he takes initiative, he thinks ahead for materials, and he’s been thrilled to make his own blocks to use so he can control the quality.

He even fires assistants when they don’t work efficiently or if they don’t show up to work.  I can’t explain how big of a deal this is – to see him taking ownership like this is HIS project. Just know this is a BIG deal! We’re so proud of him.

Introduction day before starting school

We’re also very excited to have the ability to travel now, too! We’ll be heading out into a local district about 5 hours away to work with the communities who have large populations of orphaned children. Our goal is to visit with community leaders, gather information, and build a relationship with those caring for orphaned kiddos. We can then have conversations with the leaders about how they can tackle the issue of children who don’t have anyone. Our hope is to see families in the community take up the responsibilities of raising these children, and we can support them in this process.

We've been seeing lots of snakes - hopefully, the fence will help keep them out!

This year will be full of lots of little, and big, changes. We’re excited about our new programs and how God will use them to minister to the communities around us. We also can’t wait to see how God works in our kiddos who are with us now. We are blessed to be here, and I know the longer we are here, the more we get to DO and not just build!

Until we meet here again,

Laura & the gang

What Year Is It?

I used to pride myself on being organized, in a chaotic sort of way. I knew where everything was and even if it wasn’t marked or labeled, I had semi-neat piles & baskets full of items I used often. I felt like I was pretty on top of stuff. And then --- I had kids.

 

Lina, Marieta, Ali & Fatima on Mozambique Island

After I had Jadon over 8 YEARS ago, yes, EIGHT, I felt like part of my brain disappeared while giving birth. I was so foggy and tired ALLLLLL the time. I became somewhat “normal” when he was almost 2, but really, I never was quite the same.

Our guard, Jose, teaching songs & a Bible story to the kids

And now, 4 more big kids and one new baby later, I’m not even sure what year it is. I feel brainless. As if there’s nothing going on up there. Like the light just won’t turn on and no one is ever home.

I guess in some kind of dramatic way, I’m telling you I’m sorry for being such a spaced out mom lately and I’m also warning you. I’m tired. I’m doing my best. I was pleasantly overwhelmed before baby Josephine arrived but most days I now feel UN-pleasantly overwhelmed.

Baby Josephine - our newest team member! 

Hear me out for a sec – I have a great husband who does WAY more than his share, especially now that I feel like I have no brain. He goes above and beyond to make sure that if I just need a few minutes by myself or a shower, he’s gonna make it happen. But living in Mozambique can just feel overwhelming at times because even small things take FOREVER.

A prime example is a normal errand, like going to the bank. In the States, you can drive up to the window in your cozy little car and get cash in a few minutes or make that deposit from the comfort of your front seat. But going to the bank can be an all day affair here. Once I waited in line for several hours just to be told the system was down. Nothing is electronic either, so you have to make sure you save every piece of paper you ever touched in this town. It’s these kinds of things that can make one feel exhausted!

120+ kiddos joined us for our community Christmas Eve party!

I’m sure the unpleasant overwhelmed feelings will pass, as they usually do. More than anything I think I just need to establish more structure in my day to help me stay organized and give myself a little grace. I hope you all will give me a little grace, too.

I’ll get you caught up on all the fun we’ve had over the last 2 months, I promise. From Christmas to our girls’ first ever trip to the ocean – ever! At least for now, enjoy a sneak peak of what's to come with some fun photos! 

We’ll also let you know about our needs, praises & plans for the rest of the year. We’re excited to see what’s coming and we hope you’ll join us on this journey because we can’t do it without you.

With lots of love and appreciation, 

Phil & Laura, and Jadon, Josephine, Lina, Marieta, Fatima & Ali, too!

It's OKAY to be Different - And Here's Why

The sun comes up before 5am these days. It's still a little cool, and I can manage to get a few more minutes of rest or a cool shower before I know what's coming...kids. 

Jadon is always the first to come into our room, say good morning, and then he's off (with Phil) to school. Ali usually follows to say good morning and ask what's for breakfast. 

A few minutes later I hear the giggling start and I know I better move fast because there are 4 hungry kids ready for breakfast. 

This is our life. This is what most school mornings look like. We're a family, with a routine (some days) that fits our kids, followed by a delicate balancing act of letting them be kids & learning to be responsible young people who can think. 

Some people want a label for what we do - what is your ministry? What EXACTLY do you do? 

After a quick explanation about our dream to see institutions go away and orphaned kids have REAL families & family-based care, most people usually respond with something like, "So kinda like an orphanage, right?"

Ali & Marieta's Preschool Graduation! 

Let me be frank - we've never been offended to have our life-long work & dreams boiled down to one word. It really doesn't bother either of us. But here's the problem with putting Heart for the Needy into a box...

If what Heart for the Needy does is simply run an "orphanage," we would be part of a large problem that plagues Mozambique and many other 3rd world countries. You see, an orphanage is an institution, a child prison, essentially. The definition of an orphanage in Websters Dictionary says: 

                    An institution for the care of orphans

So, what is an institution?

                   An institution is a facility or establishment in which people (such as the sick or needy) live and receive          

                   care typically in a confined setting and often without individual consent.

Wow. This doesn't qualify our line of work in any way. Of course none of the kids we work with CHOSE to be orphans, but the institutional model is what causes so much harm. 

Waiting for our little graduates! The sign says: Jesus taught us to love & obey

The issue is that the emotional, social, psychological and physical well being of a child is rooted in their family, in the consistency of the care they have received since birth. 

An institution doesn't allow for the same level of care as a family setting, and it's extremely harmful to a child to not be loved & touched by a caregiver on a daily basis. This actually impacts complete brain development of a child and can effect their overall physical growth, too! 

I know you're hearing the social worker in me right now, but I promise I have a point. My point is this: an orphanage is a harmful place for a child; a home is a place where a child can be loved & empowered. They are 2 very different things. 

In order to meet the needs of the orphans in the communities where we work, we have created 3 programs that most people don't know about. They are 3 different levels, 3 different means to meet 3 different needs. 

The first is our "Let's Talk" program - simply put, it's education & prevention in communities in regards to orphans. This is done through various mediums, like during Phil's English lessons in the community. 

The 2nd program is called "Hands & Feet" - this is a family based foster care type of program. We check in with relatives caring for children twice a month and help support them so the child can remain in the family setting. We are currently working with 2 families in this program. 

And lastly, the most intense & highest level of care is our "Hearts" program. These children have no mother or father and no able family member to care for them. Their situation is usually quite desperate, which is the only reason we provide full time care. We currently have 4 kids in our Hearts program. We would eventually like to see these children taken in by a distant relative, if possible, or, we'd love to see them adopted. 

Marieta with her school directors. 

I'm not saying every program that calls themselves an "orphanage" is doing horrible harm to children. I am simply speaking from what I've seen as a social worker, what I know as a professional, and what we've experienced & seen here in real life. 

How difficult would it be to oversee 50 workers and 500 kids? How difficult would it be to make sure each child was well cared for, well loved and thriving? 

The simple answer would be almost impossible. This line of work is full of paperwork, meetings, documentation, etc., that often times as a Co-Director of a very small organization, I have little time to spend with my kids. This is yet another balancing act that I'm not always good at doing. 

But I know this - good intentions are no longer enough. As a Christian, as a leader, as a missionary, as a recipient of someone else's hard earned cash for our ministry - it is my duty to do more and be held to higher standards. 

Ali with his favorite teacher!

We are quite different from the norm, and that's okay! We're different in the way we approach things and I think that makes us unique. We're proud to not fit the status quo, no matter how difficult it is at times. 

Our good friend and faithful support once asked us,"Would it just be easier to be a traditional orphanage?"

At times, I really believe that yes - if we just took in kiddos without much research, and no documentation, our job would be a lot easier. But it wouldn't be right and the social worker in me, as well as the Spirit of God in me, expects more. I know better, and when your eyes have been opened to the truth about something, it's rarely possible so simply go back into the darkness & pretend you never saw the light. 

If you've been considering partnering with us, and haven't taken that step yet, I hope this helps give you an idea of WHY we are different. If this brought up more questions, I hope you'll reach out to us and learn more. And if you're ready to dive in and link arms with us, we are thrilled to have you as part of the team! You can always give at www.heartfortheneedy.org

Don't forget to check in with us on Facebook tomorrow, for Giving Tuesday! We'll be sharing more about what is coming in 2018 for Heart for the Needy, and how you can get involved. 

Until next time, many blessings!

Phil, Laura & the whole crew